It's a matter of perspectives

2012-02-10T01:06:00.003+08:00

Distractions, distractions, go away please,

I've plenty of stuff undone,

And loose ends to tie up.

Oh, but it's always hard to push away a lovely distraction.

Songs worth listening to

2011-11-14T21:28:00.000+08:00

Once again.. exams are creeping up on me and I'm feeling down. Where is my rainbow?

2011-10-25T22:15:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so dependent on tuition for my daily expenses.

2011-10-20T22:20:00.002+08:00

Querido diario,

Esta noche he estado pensar muchos cosas, especialmente sobre mi vida ahora. La luna es magnifico pero no es ronda. Me gusta la silencio de la noche porque es un momento bueno que pensado. Ha estado tanto tiempo desde he escrito cualquier cosa en espanol. Verdaderamente, Google translate es mi programa favorita.

Recientemente, he escrito a los dos personas en fridae, y no he hecho muchos deberes. Estoy tan muerto para el examen jueves proximo.

T_T Adios, mi diario.

2011-09-04T00:56:00.002+08:00

Tonight, out of curiosity, I read a letter that I'd written on 29/01/2008 but was never sent. Neither had I remembered its existence until some weeks back when I was clearing out my room stuff.

And now, I laugh at the irony of things. And now.... this section of the letter strikes the chords deepest in me.

Where love and pain merge

I choose to forget

For there is no sense

To suffer for what's not possible.

Its funny how things have come to a full circle, and its back to the starting point.

Reading this letter had made me remember things I have forgotten, and a part of myself that was lost is coming back gradually.

Certain things, you gotta deal with it.

Certain things, you gotta learn to let go.

Certain things, you gotta learn the baseline.

Certain things, you gotta learn to accept.

Certain things, are just not compatible with you.

There's plenty of things I have yet to learn. But I'm glad... I feel as if I've grown up a little more now - and I'm glad to realize that I have yet to lose certain qualities that I'd like to keep

Closing a chapter in my life, and I'm looking for an opportunity to start writing the next chapter. Blundering along, saying things the way I see it, searching for new people in my life who can accept me for who I am, who can give me and themselves a chance to discover more about each other.

The bow stretched, the eye trained, the arrow running true.

I've been thinking... perhaps I should get a tattoo of bows and arrows... hmm. (imagines my mom screaming in the background)

2011-08-30T00:22:00.002+08:00

The eyes are dry

The heart feels empty

The distance growing longer

The knowledge - slices the heart

The handling - incomplete

The avoidance - creates frustration

I don't know what to do anymore.

It feels like I'm burying everything into work.

2011-08-19T01:54:00.001+08:00

The worst kind of feeling is that you want to cry your heart out but tears do not flow; where your heart is bleeding but it is still continuing to pump.

The scars of love

2011-08-18T00:23:00.004+08:00

What is the beginning of love? Is it a look? A smile? An innocent touch?

No.

The beginning of love is when you and your beloved one start out on even ground, where both of you are willing to give yourself the chance to know the other person - and to find out how you fare together, no matter how impossible it may seem. The beginning of love is when you want to find out the little quirks that make the other person interesting and the nasty habits which makes the person appalling and to accept that person for who he/she is, without measuring that person up against anyone else you had been in a relationship with. The key idea here is to keep an open mind.

Why are crushes named so?

I believe they are so called because the chances of them crushing your heart with a ruthless rejection are greater than the chances of them reciprocating your feelings. I don't know which is worse - to have your hopes crushed or to have a knife stabbed through your fragile heart and twisted around till everything's mangled. Sometimes the ruthlessness is scary. Perhaps they would just shoot you down before you could even get a word in to present your case and ask them for a chance. Or perhaps they would work in the "smash" together with other heart-wrenching experiences which render you confused, heartbroken and lost.

Well, crushes goes back to the point of even ground. When a person has a secret crush, it is likely that he/she will lower themselves to accommodate the other, at the extent of losing oneself and being tortured mentally and emotionally on a regular basis. That's why an even ground is needed to begin any relationship. So... lose your crushes fast, and instead... tell them before you get too emotionally invested.

2011-08-16T22:55:00.002+08:00

I have lips and voice that refuses to say what my head is thinking. Thankfully my hands are standing on the other side of the fence.

Me.

2011-08-15T00:35:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I feel as if control is slipping away through my fingers and it scares me to think of what I would do if I lost control.

Sometimes, I am unable to express what I feel verbally, but when I try to do it through actions... I think it scares people I care about away, because I'll never know where the line is and no one ever tells me. They just run away.

Sometimes, when I hear my parents quarreling, it triggers something that feels like a monster deep within me - like a trauma that never healed and the feeling gets dug out from the deep recesses of my being and I just feel like screaming at them to stop quarreling.

Sometimes, when I see a guy, I get torn between reality and horror, for I know what they are capable of doing, beneath the seemingly innocent front.

Sometimes, when my mom talks about someone, I resent her for it, because I could never tell her what that someone did to me.

Sometimes, I may appear happy, but deep down I know it's just a facade.

Sometimes, something makes me happy - but I don't realize it until sometime later when people have forgotten about it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should die, who would truly remember me and yearn for my companionship once more? Who would regret not communicating with me more?

There are many actions that people do which I do not understand, and sometimes it makes me feel mind-fucked and I hate the feeling.

What I hate even more is the idea of being forgotten, of being taken for granted, of being taken advantaged of.

Every time I see someone with a relatively happy and carefree childhood, I wonder why mine was the way it is, and why those people still complain about what they already have which I don't.

I spent the majority of my life locked behind the doors of my room, in my own world, just so that I can keep myself sane in the insane world I'm surrounded in.

It is solace that I seek, and the comfort of having someone to anchor me to reality, to life - so that I would have the courage to look forward to the future.

For graduation scares me - ahead lies a gazillion choices in life that I have to sift through.

My sanctuary lies in the silence of the night. Yet, the night brings forth emotions which I do not understand; thoughts that I should not entertain; feelings that I cannot identify.

2011-07-09T02:08:00.001+08:00

I cried halfway while reading this.

http://www.ralst.com/DifferentTimeDifferentPrincess.HTM

Sighs... fairytales...

What I have been listening to recently

2011-05-15T00:34:00.002+08:00

1. 情无独钟 by Sammi Cheng

2. Alejate by Josh Groban

3. What you want (ft freeway) by LL cool j - Todd Smith

4. Me voy by Julieta Venegas

2011-04-12T22:25:00.005+08:00

Querido diario,

Hoy me he levantado a las nueve en punto de la manana y me he banado despues. En mi habitacion, he hecho los deberes hasta once y media. Despues de algun tiempo, he ido a el mercado cerca para comprar mi almuerzo favorito y he vuelto a mi casa. He visto una pelicula se ha llamado "Sherlock Holmes" mientras he almorzado.

Esta tarde, he ido a la universidad en el autobus y he tenido las clases de espanol y de contabilidad. He estado muy cansado y he dormido un poco en las clases de contabilidad.

2011-03-20T00:50:00.003+08:00

Had a fun but tiring day today at Astrea's 21st birthday celebration =3 Took many photos and cameras are flashing everywhere xD

Celebrity no. 1 = Astrea
Celebrity no. 2 = Abbey (a 5 year old girl who looks really cute when she grins =D)

Folded dozens of paper crane as wishes to Japan while waiting for Astrea to get ready for the party. Hurhur... and I felt like a donation booth attendant! =P She had a really SWEET and PINK and ribboney (no such word =X) birthday cake lols.

And the theme wasn't psychedelic! Apparently it became yukata session due to 5 ladies wearing yukatas and parading around xD

2011-01-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

Yosh~ It's a good start to the new year xD

Went to Kino and bought 3 books today~ 2 of them are related to spanish and the last... well... it's a secret for now. Hurhur...

And.... when I got back home, it's cleaning time! Bought this new disinfectant spray from NTUC and starting spraying my room with it lol. Cleaned my tables and part of the wardrobe~ Gonna continue with the cleaning tomorrow morning~

Adios~

Serenity Spanish Bar and Restaurant

2010-12-27T23:21:00.011+08:00

Today, I visited Serenity Spanish Bar and Restaurant for dinner together with Arthur and Astrea. Located on Level 1 of VivoCity in the middle of the whole lane of restaurants, this restaurant is easily missed out due to the calming blue and white decorations and its lack of crowd. However, I was determined to at least try out this restaurant once simply due to the fact that I am currently taking Spanish classes in NTU ^^" How can you appreciate the Spanish culture if you haven't even tried their food? Thus, on a brave adventure (and I say so because some of their food combination are seriously intimidating to those adamant on enjoying local cuisines) we entered the restaurant and sat down at a table.

Drinks Menu:

Food Menu:

Firstly, we decided to try out their paella, which was basically short-grained rice imbued with various spices and meat/seafood cooked on a flat based pan. It's kind of like Chinese Claypot Rice done in a metal pan and spanish style =) It takes about 30 - 45 minutes to prepare and thus I encourage anyone trying out this restaurant to place your order for paella first before ordering any other dishes. We decided on Arroz al Horno, which consisted of spring onion, onion, tomato, Spanish chorizo, pork ribs, potato, capsicum, rice.

Next, we spent quite a long time deciding on the tapas to order and finally we settled on...

Patatas Bravas - Roast Potato with romesco sauce and Alioli Sauce

First impression - ooh... interesting taste.

The romesco sauce (red one) was based on almond, together with various spices such as Spanish pepper. As for the Alioli sauce, I couldn't really taste what it was made of. There's only one way I would describe this dish as... a rather interesting and unique taste it is that it's difficult to describe, and it brings warmth to the pits of your stomach after you've eaten it xD The potatoes' skin add a crisp effect to the sauce which made the dish more enjoyable. Not recommended for people who dislike the after-sensation of eating pepper though. Hmm... and I think the dish would taste better if there were lesser sauce lol.

Next up, it was...

Datiles con Beicon - Dates with Bacon

First impression - Nice! It tastes pretty good!

The slight crispness of the grilled bacon wrapped around a soft date with the texture similar to mashed potatoes complements really well. And when you chew the package slowly, the sweetness of the sauce it was dipped in before grilling and the mild taste of dates comes to the tip of the tongue. Definitely my favourite out of these two tapas. Would love to have it again next time I dine there.

And finally, our paella came to the table. Since we ordered the portion for 2, it wasn't as large as I expected it to be (around 30cm in width?) but it was still more than enough for the three of us.

First impression - Mmmm.... it's really rich in flavours. And it tastes better than it looks!

This dish was rather nice, considering that this is the first time I've tried any other cuisine besides Chinese, Western, Italian and Japanese and is not used to the taste of Spanish food. The amount of chorizo in the dish could have been more, but the pork in the paella was delicious and well-marinated.

After the paella, we decided to try their desserts. And I'm very glad we did.

First up...

Naranjas al vino dulce - Baked Valencia orange with Spanish sweet wine and ice cream

First impression - Oh. My. God. (dies and goes to heaven).
(quote) Arthur: The presentation is fail. (goes to heaven after taking a bite)
Me: LOL.

This... is a definite MUST-HAVE for anyone dining in Serenity. A peeled Valencian orange with treated slices of orange peel accompanies a cold ice cream and a sliced strawberry. The ice-cream... is to die for. Surprisingly, the orange is warm in contrast to the ice cream. How to get the best sensation? Take a bite of the orange together with the ice cream and some of the wine sauce, and I guarantee that you will literally close your eyes in delight. Words cannot give due compliment to this dish.

Next up, we had the classic Spanish dessert... Churros!

There was six churros originally, but we ate 3 of them before remembering to take photos! =O

First impression - hmm... nice.

After tasting the heavenly dessert, it was difficult for Mr. Churros to grab the mainstage. However, Mr. Churros tastes great too. It was warm when we took a bite, and it was surprising that its crunchy exterior hides a soft interior. Mr. Churros comes dusted with a bit of sugar, and of course, a chocolate dip. It's great for anyone who has a craving for a warm dessert xD Not my favourite type of dessert though. Hee.

As we still had some space left in our stomachs (and Astrea still had one more stomach for desserts *cough*shehasfourstomachs*cough*) We ordered our last dessert for the day.. something which was rather exotic... and that was...

Arroz con leche - Rice with milk

First impression - Mmm... tastes pretty good.. Are you sure it's rice???

Hmm... according to Astrea, the rice used was glutinous rice of sorts. Unlike the normal rice we eat everyday, this rice was stickier and imbued with the strong taste of milk. The texture is pretty thick and creamy, but not so much that you would get sick of it. The chocolate sauce at the base of the dessert tasted similarly to Ferro Roche! Lols. Oh, and the almond comes dusted in gold powder xD Our Arroz con leche consists of three of it and a sugar thingy on top that was rather sharp to the mouth when eaten. It's good to try this at least once for the experience... but I rather try other desserts xD Oh, and do order this only if you still have an ample amount of space in your stomach. Afterall, it's rice!

Stuff on tables~

Overall, the experience was really enjoyable. The restaurant had a nice ambience and a lit candle on every table. It wasn't too crowded and thus is good for a peaceful dining experience. There was a variety of tables and chairs as well as the arrangement to cater to groups with different number of people and really nice lighting. HOWEVER, we got cheated by a waiter when ordering our plain water... never ever order their "still" or "sparkling" water unless you are feeling really rich. The "still" water of Fiji brand costs $5.85, when you could have "ice" water for free. A lesson learnt in the hard way T_T

On a side note... I would recommend that anyone wanting to try out this restaurant to form at least groups of 3 - 4 in order to fully enjoy the variety of food served there. It is the Spanish culture to dine with groups of friends and it's definitely reflected in this restaurant! It's more economical to bring your friends along to this restaurant xD Be prepared to spend more than $35 if you are planning to enjoy your food!

Adios!

2010-12-20T22:33:00.002+08:00

Tada~

Finalmente... no more exams!

Muahahaha~

Estoy muy contento~ pero estoy un poco cansado >_<

Pues... Me encanta mi girasol =P Es armaillo, brillante y alegre~

Tata~

Voy practicar español

2010-11-05T16:59:00.006+08:00

Mi casa

Mi casa está situada en Singapur, que tiene muchos edificios altos. Mi casa es antigua y bastante grande y cerca del mercado. En mi casa hay tres habitaciones, dos cuarto de baños y una cocina. Mi habitación no tiene aire acondicionado, pero tiene un ventilador. En mi casa hay pared muchos colores – azules claros, verdes, amarillos y blancos. Me gusta el color de las paredes de mi habitación porque es mi favorito.

Mi pais

Singapur hace mucho sol, pero tiene llueve mucho en Noviembre y diciembre. A mi me gusta el lluvia... porque es hermosa pero triste al mismo tiempo. Singapur es un ciudad pequena y moderno. La gente de Singapur es amable pero tiene mucho prisa. Me encanta la comida de Singapur, lo es delicioso pero un poco caro.

Las actividades hago en mi tiempo libre

En mi tiempo libre, me gusta ver las peliculas en mi ordenador y tomo un siesta. Tambien, a mi me gusta pasear en el parque una vez por semana y nado en la piscina. Pero recientemente, soy ocupado como mis examenes son empiezo pronto.

This is so addictive. And meaningful. And Awsomeness!

2010-11-02T12:49:00.000+08:00

This is classic! xD

2010-05-16T20:47:00.000+08:00

2010-04-09T22:17:00.002+08:00

Today is one crazy day.

First, I screwed up in tutorial class because I didn't do the tutorial but got called up to present the question.

Next, I stayed in school after tutorial till 5 to do up my Spanish oral dialogue with Viknesh.

Then, as I was walking on my usual route to the bus interchange in JP, I saw someone who was lying on the floor, and the floor was tainted with his blood.

After that, I went home to rest up awhile before going for tuition, and was reduced to eating maggie noodles for dinner (for the god knows how many times recently). Why I didn't get to eat proper food? Well, my mother said: "if I go buy dinner now, the food will be cold by the time your sister gets back. Why don't you go eat dinner on the way to tuition?"

During tuition, the student was being slightly restless, but it was better than the past. I thought it was going quite well until the end of the lesson, where the mother told me to give a day's break tomorrow. And she said to the student: "Tomorrow you get a break from tuition, so don't tell me that you want to stop tuition again."

One bloody screwed up day.

2010-02-20T16:24:00.000+08:00

The clouds have cleared =) Just a little.

2010-02-19T17:06:00.004+08:00

I wonder... why this sense of uncertainty pervades me... It's like a dark cloud, blocking my ray of light such that I am lost in the cold, harsh world. I step into murky waters, not knowing what would happen next, blind to any potholes. I seek little comfort in the fact that time's running out, that I have to clear my checkpoints or perish, stuck in the weird world that had suddenly enveloped me. It does not help, for me mind to be as clear as swampwater, or me heart as peaceful as high seas. Turbulence.

And I wonder... how many people would read this? perhaps none.
I long for sweet words and comforting hugs.. n I wonder she could sense it..
but I have no intention on keeping my hopes up only to have them dashed.

2010-02-15T22:37:00.002+08:00

Days that drip red,
like passionate roses in the sun
like the warmth of a person
like blood-filled tears
like heartache
like relevation

2010-02-15T09:40:00.000+08:00

An article I read on Yahoo news today about third-hand smoke.

WASHINGTON (AFP) - – You know smoking is bad for you. You know inhaling someone else's smoke is bad for you. Now a US study says third-hand smoke -- tobacco residue clinging to surfaces -- is also bad for you.

When a cigarette burns, nicotine is released in the form of a vapor that collects and condenses on indoor surfaces such as walls, carpeting, drapes and furniture, where it can linger for months, said the study, which was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS).

"Our study shows that when this residual nicotine reacts with ambient nitrous acid it forms carcinogenic tobacco-specific nitrosamines, or TSNAs," said Hugo Destaillats, a corresponding author of the study.

"TSNAs are among the most broadly acting and potent carcinogens present in unburned tobacco and tobacco smoke," he said.

The most likely human exposure to TSNAs is through either inhalation of dust or the contact of skin with carpet or clothes -- making third-hand smoke particularly dangerous to infants and toddlers.

Opening a window or turning on a fan to air out a room while a cigarette burns does not eliminate the hazard of third-hand smoke. Smoking outdoors doesn't help much either.

"Smoking outside is better than smoking indoors but nicotine residues will stick to a smoker's skin and clothing," said Lara Gundel, a co-author of the study.

"Those residues follow a smoker back inside and get spread everywhere. The biggest risk is to young children," she said.

"Dermal uptake of the nicotine through a child's skin is likely to occur when the smoker returns and if nitrous acid is in the air, which it usually is, then TSNAs will be formed."

Substantial levels of TSNAs were also found in the truck of a heavy smoker, the study says, adding that most vehicle engines emit some nitrous acid that can infiltrate the passenger compartment of a vehicle.

Researchers from the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory led the study, which they say is the first to quantify the reactions of third-hand smoke with nitrous acid.

2010-02-14T23:23:00.002+08:00

"And please," says Roger, "when you need to head for the ladies or the gents, just leave the room quietly and go. I have no need to know."

2010-02-13T23:24:00.003+08:00

Happy CNY people~ although it's still abt half an hr away.

I shall try my best to enjoy this CNY despite the deadlines for various important assignments creeping up on me... and more importantly, the lack of someone I hold dear with me.

Te echo de menos.

Te amo, mi querido.

Te beso en mi corazón.

2010-01-15T09:09:00.001+08:00

A video I found on Youtube which features a scottish fold kitten =3

2010-01-15T08:59:00.002+08:00

Woke up earlier than usual today because of an unpleasant dream.

It was about some 40+ yr old man who snuck into my house through the door after I unlocked it n went to the kitchen. I saw that sneaky looking man in my room n demanded what he was doing in the house... then different scenarios kept flashing acroos my eyes.

Like how I locked the house door n locked myself in my room and called 999
Like how I trapped him in my mother's room with myself blocking the door while screaming for help
Like how I saw him holding my laptop and tried to get it back...

And the dream after that was even more unpleasant...

It wasn't the dream itself... but the feelings after I woke up with knowledge of the dream.. and how it could be reality...

2009-11-28T12:30:00.002+08:00

"Oh my! Don't scare me like that!"

"What's that?"

"Look, I'm a black, cute, furball~"

These are pics I've gotten from one of my random facebook friends =3 They're too cute to resist.

2009-11-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

Underground - Nadine Khouri

Come down my friends
My friends come down
Walk this way
But make no sound
Cause we can't afford
To be caught
We live in the darkness
Where it's hot

Come down my friends
My friends come down
Walk this way
But make no sound
Feel the presence
Of the ones before us
In the night feel Eternity
To comfort us of
Our Solitude

Meet me tonight at the underground
Forget the world that surrounds us
Till human voices wake us
And they drown us, drown us

Come down my friends
My friends come down
Walk this way
But make no sound
Cause we can't afford
to be caught
We live in the darkness
Where it's hot

She says "I'm so scared.
Cause if they find out
I am dead.
What about your priorities?"
Don't you know that I have
None?

2009-10-20T22:08:00.002+08:00

Egoistical
Careless
Nonchalent
Irresponsible
Short-lived interests
Lazy
Procrastinator
Self-centered
Hurtful
Unworthy
No motivation
Escapist
Insensitive
Willful
Spoiled

I'm sorry for words that I did not mean to hurt u with... although I know that the damage can never be undone...

I don't know what else to say...

I don't know what I really want...

2009-09-17T19:57:00.004+08:00

Went home today earlier than usual.. didn't feel like listening to that long-winded lecturer. Too tired =)

And this is what I've been up to ever since I'd settled down in my room after relaxing.

And... this is what I've made by 8pm, after I've eaten dinner. Oh well~

Argh.. but I don't like the clay... it's too fragile even though it's very flexible n great for shaping stuff up. At least it's cheap though.. got it from daiso, and this is how the packaging looks like.

Hmm... and I'd made a zen bunny as the very last masterpiece for today~

Doesn't it look like it's meditating?

Family photo~ Zen guy meditating on turtle xD

Before I forget... these are the materials I've used.

Toothpicks, water and the clay itself... or what's leftover from my works. Hahas.
Doing something like this after a week of school is definitely therapeutic =D

2009-09-13T22:52:00.001+08:00

Had a wonderful time yesterday~

Had a fun time watching 'Spirited Away' and relaxing in air-con room yesterday~ After that, I went for bbq at Sentosa in the evening and was thoroughly amused by Arthur co-organising a bbq party when he has zero idea of how to set up a fire or cooking on the pit. LOL. By the time I reached the chalet, the fire wasn't hot enough to cook yet, and the guys spent some time fanning it, only to have the fire almost go out xD

Hahas, but eventually we got the fire going after some time and started cooking =3 Ate lots of teriyaki chicken, cheese hotdogs, otah and chicken fillet. Went into the chalet room and played a few rounds of black jack n had to go off as the monorail only operates till 10pm. After that, went to Vivo to watch the Proposal.

I laughed and LOL-ed in the movie so much despite watching it after midnight. Gosh, Sandra Bullock is so classic xD

Took a cab back and slept at around 4. So tired.

Finally went home today~

Hmm... nearly forgot. When i was staring at the night sky yesterday while waiting for the movie to start, I saw this coloured, floating object in the sky that was moving as though it is drunk. Hmm... I wonder what it is.. UFO? lol.

2009-09-10T15:56:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfzhU7m7gHA

Shostakovich's String Quartet No. 8... it's just so full of emotions and powerful...

only for those who learn to appreciate it.

Just like a person, don't you think?

2009-09-03T16:13:00.000+08:00

Somehow I feel so alone today... like the school is such an aloof place which doesn't care about what you do. I feel like an ant in the big colony, working 24/7 and doing my part... and perhaps one day I'll get crushed for doing what I'm supposed to do.. Just like an ant. Thinking about it, ants lead such sad life... and I doubt that they realise it themselves because they do not possess a sense of self like humans and other more intelligent animals do..

Work, rest, work, rest... and one fine day while doing your work, you get stepped on by a human =_=

Feeling ant-y.

And.. SHIT! I missed the deadline for sending out my resume to apply for a sub-comm position in investment club. Hais... I want to have something significant in my resume when I graduate!! =X How to do...

I'm gonna grow mushrooms in a corner... how fitting that I'm wearing green today.

And this school week is ending today.. time to reduce that massive pile of homework that accumulates every week.

I'd just got a call from the clinic, asking me to go collect my lab report too.

Busy, busy, busy.

2009-08-31T08:21:00.001+08:00

Feeling absolutely horrible now... Just puked my guts out and the apples I ate for breakfast.. Throat is so sore after vomiting... Feeling ill and tried to ask dad for money to go see doc. He equivalently asked me to fuck off. WTF. Still say I'm useless, and that I'm sick because I don't go to bed early. What stupid logic is that? I'm am so pissed and hurt by his fucking words. As if I don't want to sleep early. I would if I hadn't that marketing project to do, and my tutorials and everything else. He doesn't know a fucking thing and yet he assumes he's all so clever and knows about everything. Fuck off.

Going off to school now.

2009-08-21T09:10:00.001+08:00

Came across this while surfing the net:

10 ways to cheer up

10. Breathe - Breathing is normally of rational usefulness, but sensible breathing can assist in reducing stress and anxiety. Focusing on your breathing keeps your mindfulness on the current instance and is a common integral part of reflection and meditation, a evident stress reducer. Breathe deeply and leisurely, noticing respective breath you inhale and exhale.

9. Laugh - Exhilaration and laughter is the perfect medicine. Keep proximate a book of jokes or a gratifying comic strip cartoon. When you experience blueness, imbed yourself in the spirit and go for a stomach-aching absolute laugher. Strong laughter improves your immune system and helps you abide life's problems in contemplation.

8. Return to Nature - Go for a trek or stroll in a park, sit down by a spring, or stare at a billboard of your favorite topic or mountain scene. Reflecting on a gorgeous radical scene can raise your spirits.

7. Gratitude - Prepare a brisk list of three to five proceedings in your life for which you are beholden. Reflect on each item and recognize the absolute way it impacts your life.

6. Give of Yourself - Providing an uplifting advice or thoughtfulness to someone else also uplifts you. Call an senile relative or fellow. Tender a few minutes of your space to baby-sit or walk the dog for a busy colleague or neighbor. Helping others, moves your kernel and will benefit your spirits.

5. Exercise - A quick walk or some distinctive form of physical workout will benefit your mood. Weed the garden or trim the house. The physical exertion will help lift your penchant.

4. Daydream - Remember a great holiday or a wondrous family reunion. Reflect on a card or letter someone sent you that was affecting and showed they cared for you.

3. Use a Strength - We all have novel strengths, capabilities at which we are principally gifted. Devote one or more of your strengths in some seasoning activity.

2. Contribute Something You Care About - Contribute to a garden, a cordial house plant, a pet, or your car. When we conduce something we feed a loving, caring attention to it that is a form of bestowal. Tending is not a chore, it's a commendation.

1. Apologize - Guilt and lamentation can hang all round us like a maximum burden, bringing on mild depression sans our awareness of the cause. Bid up a candid apology for things you've broken down or said that hurt others. You'll feel the alleviation of your load of penitence even if you aren't able to personally relegate the apology. Bidding it up to the Nature is adequate.

2009-08-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

To you...

http://www.spine-health.com/conditions/depression/depression-and-chronic-back-pain

This is the very last thing i wish to happen to you...

I might not fully understand or emphasize...

But... I don't want you to give up.

I want you to know that even though I may physically be beside you, you are with me.

Through thick and thin, I will never abandon you.

So.. for me... be strong...

2009-07-07T22:48:00.002+08:00

Lol.. today took a trans cab and the driver was playing emo chinese songs on the way. Think I've been listening to too much emo songs recently. Hehe.

2009-07-05T23:36:00.003+08:00

It's a turning point... and soon there will be another... and another and another...

No matter what happens, together, we can pull through everything life throws at us.

Changes... and a reluctance to move on to a new life.... but I got to deal with it.

2009-05-23T21:04:00.001+08:00

So much pent-up emotions in me. I feel like I'm being split into two by them.

Damn.

So fucking unfair.

2009-05-13T16:48:00.002+08:00

It's been eons since I last updated.

Frustration has been plaguing me recently, and I have no idea what I'm frustrated about.

There just seems to be this huge weight on my head and it's wearing me out physically and mentally.

I'm tired. I want a break from the world. I want peace and quiet. But peace and quiet presents me another frustration. It's a never-endless vicious cycle.

What do I really want? I have no idea.

My entire world has been whacked out of the universe.

I'm tired of trying to be perfect all the time.

I'm tired of trying. But at the same time, I do not want to give up.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.

I hate idling around with no aim whatsoever...

2009-04-25T02:32:00.002+08:00

I would rather someone not make a promise than making one and breaking it... the feeling of shattered hope is a pain that feels so raw and cutting...

I would rather hide than face a problem, because 95% of the time I can't phrase my words without hurting people when I don't mean to...

I can't stand cold wars, but neither do I like heated ones... but I hate unresolved conflicts more than anything else...

I absolutely cannot stand being accused of something that I did not do.

2009-04-25T01:49:00.002+08:00

Came home today to a surprise after a sleepover last night, and now the world seems to be pressing down on me.

NTU: Offered a place in Econs/going for an NIE interview soon
NUS: so far no news yet

I've been given a premonition for one of the toughest choices I've made in my life so far... a decision between money, future and interest. Gosh. Why can't the world function on barter trading? There's nothing I hate more than money issues but yet it is one that surrounds the world.

The super long holidays are slowly counting in anguished ticking of the clock... no more free days where I can do what I want to without much considerations... Back to those mechanical days of learning? Where is the meaning in studying.. and in life? I almost feel like I'm in some sort of crisis even though I do not know what it is.

Perhaps it's the knowledge that I'm going to have to face changes and meet new people that made me feel this way. It's an unavoidable process, I guess... Life goes on, nothing is really set in stone... people change, circumstances change... good old times are lost, new experiences set in... and at the end of the day nothing's really left but countless memories...

Growing up.... growing up... like plants...

Ok, maybe I've been playing too much plant tycoon. =X

2009-04-17T21:52:00.002+08:00

I sat and played on a seesaw today, it was so fun and nostalgic~ Whee~ Happy happy.

2009-04-05T00:08:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, couples do silly things together, laughing it off.
Sometimes, couples do silly things to each other, and leave a path of tears.
Sometimes, I do silly things.
Sometimes, you do silly things.
If it's inevitable, so be it~
Because at the end of the day, nothing's gonna matter except you.

I love you.

2009-03-09T23:38:00.002+08:00

月半小夜曲

仍然倚在失眠夜望天边星宿
仍然听见小提琴如泣似诉再挑逗
为何只剩一弯月留在我的天空
这晚以后音讯隔绝

人如天上的明月是不可拥有
情如曲过只遗留无可挽救再分别
为何只是失望填密我的空虚
这晚夜没有吻别

仍在说永久想不到是借口
从未意会要分手

但我的心每分每刻仍然被她占有
她似这月儿仍然是不开口
提琴独奏独奏着明月半倚深秋
我的牵挂我的渴望直至以后

The lonely melody of the violin pulls at heartstrings as I think about someone.

2009-03-07T00:48:00.002+08:00

Today was the release of A levels' results in school.

Got a shock when I received my result slip because of a scary nightmare I had a couple of days ago.

B for Econs and GP, D for Chem and Bio, E for Maths - this was in my dream. It worried me to no end.

But today, I find it difficult to believe that I scored a C for Maths despite the abysmal answers I'd given, and B for everything else. I'm a lil disappointed for Econs though, since it was the subject I worked the hardest for. I figured that it was probably my case study that screwed me up or smth...

And now, the trouble and headache of deciding what courses and what uni I should apply to.

Thinking, thinking.

How do I know what I really want?

2009-02-23T15:33:00.004+08:00

Wiped out.

I've been so sleepy and tired these few days and I wonder why... since I've been having a minimal of 7 hours of sleep. Hmmm.... Oh, and I realised that my memory seems to be deterioriating for some reason. Gosh. STM's getting worse.

I broke my specs! I can't believe that I forgot that I placed them on the floor and accidentally stepped on them T_T The replacement of the lens costs me more than half of my salary. Bleah.

Exam results are coming out soon, and I dread the day when it does... since I know I'll be dragged back into reality - and I want to remain in my fairytale forever... carefree and in bliss like I've never been before.

2009-02-07T23:36:00.004+08:00

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - that's the movie I'd watched today at Jurong Point with a couple of friends.

My two cents on this movie? Despite the Academy award nominations, I found it lacking, even though I liked the idea behind this story. The visuals were great; the visual transition when Benjamin was old to when he was young was very smoothly done, and the actress for Daisy was wonderful. There was humour in a few scenes that made me laugh, but it wasn't to the extent where it was really terribly funny. The earlier portion of the movie when Benjamin was old was nicely done, especially the part where it was his first time to the brothel and drinking alcohol, as well as his first 'relationship/affair'. After that though... it started going downhill gradually.

The one thing that perturbs me the most is that this movie has a lot of potential to develop its emotional scenes (such as the first time he met Daisy again when she was adult, and when he had to leave her and his child behind so that they could live a normal, unburdened life, or the first time someone he loved/liked left) but it didn't. Although the fact was that the narrative was written in a journal style, I still felt that more emotions could have been put in rather than a monotonous reading. Also, I didn't really like how choppy the scenes were when they changed from the hospital to Benjamin's story, and the little relation from Benjamin to his daughter, Caroline. This reminds me of an old movie, Titanic, where they had used a similar way to play out the emotions and scenes... but compared to Titantic, it remains miles behind. Perhaps it was a lack of strong, moving, background music to facilitate the film or something, but this is one film that I'd probably not watch, but read (if a book was ever available). OH. And the constant bombardment of various to-be sex scenes somewhere in the middle of the movie totally turns me off, given that the rating was around PG, and that number of times it occurred was totally unnecessary?

I have to applaud the cast for their brilliant acting though, and those characters that were particaularly memorable were Captain Mike, Daisy, Queenie, Elizabeth Abbott and of course, Benjamin Button. Unlike Inkheart, this was clearly a movie that was meant to be thought-provoking (or inspiring in a certain sense), but the lack of that tugging in my heart made lessened the impact of those words.

2009-02-05T11:26:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was so energy sapping~

Recently, mosquitoes have been surrounding me in my waking hours and sleep hours in my house, so much so that I hallucinate about the scent of the repellent I use sometimes. Gosh. Sometime past the CNY period, they started moving in and I haven't been able to get a good night's sleep in ages. As a result, yesterday I woke up early in the morning at 8.30am (yes, it's early because I usually sleep from 2am to 12pm) feeling very zombified to bathe and get ready for work.

Currently, I'm taking a short term assignment for a tuition agency to teach Science enrichment in a primary school. The short 1.5 hours of teaching the Pri 4 kids there is much more tiring and mentally-draining than anything else I have attempted within the same time frame. Not to mention that I have to wear formal wear (inclusive of heeled boots), so after the whole session and the long walk back to and from the MRT, my feet would be burning and ready to give way anytime soon. And to my surprise/horror, the current class that I'm teaching is the best class in that cohort, but they are still so naughty. Gosh, I wonder how teachers manage to handle their students.

On a brighter note, the class was so much more well-behaved yesterday as compared to last week, so it was quite fun teaching them. Although, by the end of the sessions, I hardly think that I'll be able to complete whatever I'm supposed to teach them.

After work, I headed back home to change out of the stifling clothes to something more casual and went out for dinner and movies. Watched Inkheart yesterday, and I was rather impressive with the visual effects and the plotline was quite good. Sadly though, something seems to be lacking in the movie; perhaps it was the lack of emotions underlying the excellent visuals that it brings down the rating. Hmm... but if you're interested in the fantasy genre, it's one movie that's worth the money.

Was back home at around 11, but I couldn't get to sleep till 2 plus. Gosh.

2009-01-23T00:47:00.001+08:00

Base your decisions on thought and perception rather than assumptions. Don't get trapped by assuming what is no longer true.

Be careful not to use your assumptions as excuses for avoiding action. Question and challenge those assumptions, and focus on what you wish to accomplish.

The world changes with every moment. What you once assumed to be true may no longer be true, and may never have actually been true in the first place.

Look at the world in front of you with eyes free of judgment. Consider all the possibilities, especially those that seem particularly outrageous.

Instead of assuming that you can't, feel the confidence that comes from knowing you can. Hiding behind every assumption there are new opportunities ready to be explored.

Let go of the assumptions that may be holding you back. And discover how very much you can do.

-- Ralph Marston

From: http://greatday.com/motivate/090121.html

2009-01-22T23:46:00.002+08:00

I had a chat with an old friend of mine via msn today, and I was surprised by the amount of wisdom from this friend of mine. It's been 4 years since she left Singapore for Australia, and I starkly feel that difference between her and Singaporeans of her age. I recalled that she was a person with very strong determination and will, and blessed with the drive to complete what she sets out to do. I feel her assertiveness and passion from those few sentences between us, and I wonder about the world.

Because, you see, the world is an essay and we live in a 'full-stop'. We're so sheltered that it scares me. There's so many restrictions, each greater than the previous, in this tiny dot on the map. Already, I'm feeling the stress of the future, as the release of the results draw ever closer.

She told me to get out of my restricted zone, apply for a visa, and go somewhere further, just so that I could see the numerous rules that dictate my mindset ever since I was brought up.

I said, but there's so many restrictions, like money (for example).

And she told me, "if you dare take a risk, just save up for the flight and leave the rest for getting a job."

Can I?

I wonder, in the future, how am I supposed to feed and care for my parents and support my sister through school? How, can I take a leap of faith and risk things in my life with so much to consider? My actions do not affect me alone, but my family, and my friends. I choose my own path to walk, but I cannot abandon my responsibilities.

So many choices to make, and I'm at the mercy of never-ceasing ticking of time.

She said, "again, it's up to you. just like in writing."

2009-01-19T23:18:00.001+08:00

I've realised it's been eons since I last posted about anything. Hoho.

Current status: Unemployed. Single. AND bored.

Gosh. I need some excitement in my life.

2009-01-05T22:42:00.002+08:00

Just a meme I've gotten from one of my friends in livejournal. It's about my year in 2008, a tad late though. hehe.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Watched a movie with a friend on my birthday.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No. I don't think so, because studies have shown that New Year resolutions makes people more depressed when they are unable to keep them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. A cousin of mine and my aunt did, but they aren't really close.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Dear old beloved Singapore was my only habitation in this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A mirror that tells me who I am and points out my flaws.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
No particular dates were of importance, unless you're talking about me remembering my friends' birthdates.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Managed to ride a bicycle with some skill.

9. What was your biggest failure?
My school results. My social interactions.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Does old injures count?

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My pens. They're essential to me.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I dunno...

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
People I knew... I don't think they know why though. Anyway it's all a thing of the past.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food. Enough said.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Prom. But then the 2 days before the actual thing, the excitement died off somehow.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
The truth that you leave, by superpiano. It's on the playlist in this blog.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter? Thinner? I'm not sure.
iii. richer or poorer? Poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Studying. Maybe I should have just locked myself in the room to study more.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Slacking off at home.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Had spent it alone in the house, gaming.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No, I fell out of a one-sided love though.

23. How many one-night stands?
Zero.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Ten brothers. It got me hooked on for a while with its humour.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Sorry if it sounds cliché or fake, but I've never hated any one. I will never forgive that one person though.

26. What was the best book you read?
Does fanfiction count?

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Drummania at arcades.

28. What did you want and get?
Err...

29. What did you want and not get?
Oh, there's plenty to list.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Hmm.... Oh, right. Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Although it's on a DVD I rented.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
18 on that day. Went out to eat and walk around town with Astrea and Arthur, and went for a night movie with Wan Mun.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More love going around~

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
It's the same as always... until I get enough cash to buy more clothes again.

34. What kept you sane?
My cynical and dark side, taking over when I needed a rest. She's typing this right now, by the way.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Was never interested. Ellen Degeneres is a pretty interesting and funny host on TV though.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Obama. The Economic Crisis. It was vital to read about them because of GP and Econs in school.

37. Who did you miss?
Some acquaintances. I don't know why either.. maybe it was the fond memories.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
A financial consultant. She was friendly and all, and even sent me a Christmas and Birthday card. A great person, even though it's professional protocol or stuff like that.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Pain. All different sorts of them.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I don't listen to many songs, so I can't quote one. There's a quote that I identify with.

In the days to come, the happiest, most beautiful memories fade. You would only remember the hard times, and you will cry... and cry... and cry... You'll cry not because of the hard times because they made you stronger, but because of the good times that you'll never go through again... and they're lost forever in your memories. And the knowledge of this... is enough to make anyone cry.

2008-12-27T02:02:00.002+08:00

I feel like I've changed. I don't like the change.

I've been reading through my older blog posts... and I honestly found myself more distant and less emotional (which may or may not be a good thing at all). Perhaps it has something to do with age, experience or something else... but this change is disturbing.

When was the last time I truly laughed and felt happy? I can't remember.

How do I know if a friend is worth my time and effort? I don't know.

People I once knew are now different. But holding on to the belief that the friendship is worthwhile to maintain and keep is becoming more and more difficult. It takes two hands to clap, afterall.

Growing up is what everyone needs to do... but sometimes... that childish innocence and trust is too precious to be lost.

2008-12-15T00:03:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to me~ Technically though, it's already passed. Thanks to all who gave me your birthday wishes! =D Received a cute dolphin wind chime from Wan Mun, and a Mika Nakashima's CD from Astrea and Arthur. Hehe. It's been a great day today, but my feet are dying from the long walk around suntec =X. Having blisters soon. Lols.

Oh, and I got this birthday horoscope from ELLE. Apparently you can only get your own birthday horoscope when it's your birthday because it changes everyday. Hmmm..

Sunday, December 14
Happy Birthday, Sagittarius! Smart, quick and a clever communicator, you struggle to balance your need for autonomy with the requirements of being a team player. The more successful and effective your team is, the more desirous you are to strike out on your own and be really tremendous. Your Sagittarian urge for independence, self-expression and artistic honesty isn't always comfortable with the realities and necessary compromises of group endeavors. You enjoy being alone. You also believe that your views are correct and can be extremely articulate and convincing in most arguments. In fact, you're supremely capable of outsmarting yourself by rationalizing negative or unhealthy behaviors into something less odious. You benefit from daily interaction with others. Other people provide a safety net to keep you from focusing too narrowly on one obsession or another. You're intensely bright and insightful, often able to peer deep into another's soul. Once you recognize weakness, you may lose respect or interest in certain people - mainly because you’re seeking Nirvana on earth. Your expectations are high - for yourself, others and the entire world. Your passions are white hot and likely to boil over and get you into a predicament or two. Some of you push desire past the breaking point and end up addicted to substances, people or activities. What you must have are honest, strong-willed friends who challenge you and see through your many disguises. People smart and strong enough to fit this description are rare. If you're fortunate enough to find one, hang on for dear life. What an adaptable, creative person you are! Whether you’re an entertainer, gifted speaker, or prolific writer, you manage to insert playful, humorous references into most communiques. Mischief is always at your fingertips, giving you a unique persona and an endless amount of curiosity. Your worst enemy is boredom, immediately followed by hours and hours of free time. A restless soul like you can get into a heap of trouble under such conditions. Even though you fight hard to escape any sort of entrapment or limitation, you still require basic guidelines, duties, and structure each day. Without this, you're more likely to get your Ph.D. in self-indulgence instead of literature, religion or philosophy. No matter how hilariously funny and outgoing you are at parties or events, you're actually a creature that craves privacy. You love to learn. One of life's most rewarding moments is when you suddenly, unexpectedly understand something that puzzled you for ages. You can almost feel your brain growing when you finally "get it." Although you may be an excellent teacher or speaker, you prefer research and preparation to the actual time spent in front of others. Aside from your desire for sex, you'd probably be happy living alone, close to libraries, museums, mountains and places of learning. Travel is a necessity. Many of you travel because your career or family demands it, but others travel for sheer freedom, adventure, and escape. With or without formal religious training, you are a profoundly spiritual being. You wisely know that life is a continuum, and are aware and respectful of the spirit world. Although you can successfully navigate in a literal, logical world, you also understand that no matter how successful or erudite you are, there is always more to learn. Even if you appear obsessed with specific goals from time to time, you're in tune with the cycle of life and are likely to take pleasure in the process of living. As optimistic and irreverent as you often appear, you possess a dark, self-critical side that can be quite unforgiving - of yourself. When marriages, partnerships or other alliances end, you tend to experience guilt along with freedom, and self-blame smooshed in with relief. No matter how independent and gifted you are, you may never outgrow your compulsion to please and amuse - one of the key things that endears you to others. Your moods can zoom way up and then collapse into dangerous territory. If you're bothered by extreme highs and lows, talk to your doctor. A researcher, perpetual student, seeker of wisdom and cosmic clown, you accidentally break hearts and challenge others' minds throughout your long, illustrious and productive life.

http://www.elle.com/birthday/

2008-12-10T22:58:00.001+08:00

"Some suicides are never recorded."

What a deep statement.. but how true it is.

2008-12-09T00:37:00.002+08:00

It's been ages since I last posted up here. Life's been relatively boring without school, and expensive. Prom night was alright, but the programmes could have been more engaging rather than focusing only on those tables near the centre stage. The atmosphere for prom was quite lacking, and the hotel food was so-so, although we had shark fin, steamed sea bass and roasted chicken. Hmm.. The ballroom and service were excellent though.

Went for Arthur's birthday bbq tonight, and I'm currently feeling very wiped out due to the extremely long ride from one end of Singapore to the other. Hahas, it was drizzling, and things were pretty funny. I had 'extra sauce' on my plate a couple of times (bless me if I wake up to stomachaches). Filled myself up with drinks, satay, otah, pineapple rings (dessert), curry, beehoon, fried rice and etc etc. Played dai-dee with Arthur's sec sch friends (who I didn't know at all), went to walk walk with Astrea at the new E!hub and Downtown East shopping area, and went back for food! Saw some of my PAE classmates (from AJC). Played dai-dee with them this time, Jiayi and Willy were like suggesting to us to sit in the toilet (or outside the toilet) to play due to a lack of space. LOL. Had a lot of fun playing with them. Hahas, as lame and funny as ever they are. I missed 20/07!

Can't wait for the 14th of Dec to finally come~ And I don't feel motivated to get a job seeing the state of the economy now..

Interesting stuff that happened today (in summary):
- Me and Astrea petted a very bright and pregnant cat that looked quite young. It was so soft and affectionate.
- We tried out a single branch dessert store called Fondu and it was really value for money. Not to mention it tasted pretty great too. Chocolate stuff were fresh and made to order on the spot.
- The uses of big sticks and branches
- Got scammed by a waitress who said that the 'Golden Strips' had six chicken instead of five (but her service was really good).
- Had a chicken/nachos and cheese moment.
- Saw a foreign worker wearing a polo shirt inside out on the train.

2008-11-16T18:08:00.002+08:00

Feeling so screwed recently, especially in regards to the exams.

The papers were really quite tough overall, and I'm praying hard that I can manage to squeeze myself into local universities. Private university fees are too exorbitant for my family to pay for, and I'm starting to consider other paths if the end results are not pleasant. JC life isn't suitable for me, and I've known it since last year... but what to do? I'm feeling sick from cramming notes into my head unsuccessfully. Knowledge shouldn't be forced, it should be appreciated and learnt.

I think... in JC, the only subjects where I felt motivated to learn (and not study or cram) are possibly economics and GP.

Sickening. I hate repetitions, but their occurrences are so pervasive.

2008-10-27T19:00:00.001+08:00

A to Z tips on getting myself motivated.

A - Achieve your dreams. Avoid negative people, things and places. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

B - Believe in your self, and in what you can do.

C – Consider things on every angle and aspect. Motivation comes from determination. To be able to understand life, you should feel the sun from both sides.

D – Don’t give up and don’t give in. Thomas Edison failed once, twice, more than thrice before he came up with his invention and perfected the incandescent light bulb. Make motivation as your steering wheel.

E – Enjoy. Work as if you don’t need money. Dance as if nobody’s watching. Love as if you never cried. Learn as if you’ll live forever. Motivation takes place when people are happy.

F – Family and Friends – are life’s greatest ‘F’ treasures. Don’t loose sight of them.

G – Give more than what is enough. Where does motivation and self improvement take place at work? At home? At school? When you exert extra effort in doing things.

H – Hang on to your dreams. They may dangle in there for a moment, but these little stars will be your driving force.

I – Ignore those who try to destroy you. Don’t let other people to get the best of you. Stay out of toxic people – the kind of friends who hates to hear about your success.

J – Just be yourself. The key to success is to be yourself. And the key to failure is to try to please everyone.

K – keep trying no matter how hard life may seem. When a person is motivated, eventually he sees a harsh life finally clearing out, paving the way to self improvement.
L – Learn to love your self. Now isn’t that easy?

M – Make things happen. Motivation is when your dreams are put into work clothes.

N – Never lie, cheat or steal. Always play a fair game.

O – Open your eyes. People should learn the horse attitude and horse sense. They see things in 2 ways – how they want things to be, and how they should be.

P – Practice makes perfect. Practice is about motivation. It lets us learn repertoire and ways on how can we recover from our mistakes.

Q – Quitters never win. And winners never quit. So, choose your fate – are you going to be a quitter? Or a winner?

R – Ready yourself. Motivation is also about preparation. We must hear the little voice within us telling us to get started before others will get on their feet and try to push us around. Remember, it wasn’t raining when Noah build the ark.

S – Stop procrastinating.

T – Take control of your life. Discipline or self control jives synonymously with motivation. Both are key factors in self improvement.

U – Understand others. If you know very well how to talk, you should also learn how to listen. Yearn to understand first, and to be understood the second.

V – Visualize it. Motivation without vision is like a boat on a dry land.

W – Want it more than anything. Dreaming means believing. And to believe is something that is rooted out from the roots of motivation and self improvement.

X – X Factor is what will make you different from the others. When you are motivated, you tend to put on "extras" on your life like extra time for family, extra help at work, extra care for friends, and so on.

Y – You are unique. No one in this world looks, acts, or talks like you. Value your life and existence, because you’re just going to spend it once.

Z – Zero in on your dreams and go for it!!!

Credits from http://www.buzzle.com/articles/motivation-heart-of-self-improvement.html

2008-10-19T15:27:00.002+08:00

I first heard this song in Primary 6, where my form teacher for that year, Ms Chua, played this song for my class and urged us on to work hard for the PSLE. Now, I dedicate this song to everyone who's taking 'A' levels this year. Good luck and jiayou everyone!

Each day I live
I want to be a day to give the best of me
I'm only one, but not alone
My finest day is yet unknown
I broke my heart for every gain
To taste the sweet, I faced the pain
I rise and fall,
Yet through it all this much remains

I want one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams
Are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel, I will feel eternity

I've lived to be the very best
I want it all, no time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance here in my hands

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams
Are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel, I will feel eternity

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams
Are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will be, I will be, I will be free

I will be, I will be free

Life and School

2008-10-17T18:05:00.008+08:00

Take note of the date- 17/10/2008. Today marks the end of the normal school life in JC for me. The final hurdle in teenage life is approaching hastily. I'm getting more sentimental by the day.

Life goes on as usual, but it set me thinking.

How many times have I said goodbye in my life? How many people have walked together with me on this path I've taken, and eventually left to pursue their own direction? Life is like that. In the most cliché terms, footprints were left in my heart. On times like this, I think back on the years that have passed, and I miss those good and bad times.

Teachers, I think, are particularly important. You may forget them, forget how they look like, or even their teachings and knowledge... but they have helped shape you into the person you are, and some more than others. Those few selected teachers, as distant they seem to be within a student's mind, are something irreplaceable in the heart.

I wonder, at times, how lonely a person truly is. At the end of the day, we walk our own unique paths, shaped by a unique set of people who have left imprints in us. Separation is painful, for things would never be the same as the past again. What is lost cannot be found again... because people change.

How would it be like to be a teacher? I think it is bittersweet. Bitter because the batch of students who have been with you- sharing in your jokes, amusing you with their cute antics and surprising you with their maturity and depth of thought for someone their age- for these year(s) would leave and possibly never come back again, never to impact your days at work or leave you angry, frustrated and worried. They would go and be gone when they graduate. Nevertheless, they will leave you with fond memories and a sense of achievement, for you have helped them become better persons on their own paths to greater accomplishment. They are baby birds who have grown up and hardened their wings- bound for the sky; this endlessly long cycles of graduation and fresh intakes make goodbyes just harder.

I have once comtemplated on whether teaching was a career for me. Sometime ago, I have decided against it. It is an arduous journey to take, given the amount of time, effort and commitment a good teacher needs to give of herself/himself. The mental stress and sadness makes teaching a sacred job, reserved only for those who understand the essence of it.

School attributes to a large part in our lives. In primary school, I've learnt the term 'separation'. In secondary school, I've learnt the terms 'friendship', 'appreciation' and 'leadership'. In JC, I've learnt something too... they're called 'failure', 'biasedness', 'responsibility', 'back-stabbing' and 'teachers'. It would do me well to remember these lessons, for what continues as life would just be a tough, rocky road ahead.

On the ending note, I have a few lines to add.

Alone if need be, you will change the world.

The relationships and interactions in life are but a passing phase symbolized by clothes - we change them ever so often, throw them away, but we wear them constantly during the journey.

Note to self: Maybe a few years later, when I have an urge to reminiscise about the past, I would chance upon this entry and lament for the past.

2008-10-06T21:20:00.003+08:00

Days have been passing by like the fleeting wind. The countdown timer has started, but it is one that is severely flawed. Perhaps it's time to abandon the addictions and embrace the light.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

I've been listening to this song by Meredith Brooks, it's called "Bitch" and I find it absolutely hilarious. The lyrics goes like this:

I hate the world today
Your so good to me, I know
But I cant change
Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe Im an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet

Yesterday I cried
You must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how youd be so confused
I dont envy you
Im a little bit of everything
All rolled into one

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im you dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean youll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And Im going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today wont mean a thing

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im you dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

Just when you think you got me figured out
The seasons already changin
I think its cool you do whatcha do
And dont try to save me

Im a bitch
Im a lover
Im a child
Im a mother
Im a sinner
Im a saint
I do not feel ashamed
Im your hell
Im you dream
Im nothing in between
You know you wouldnt want it any other way

Im a bitch
Im a tease
Im a goddess on my knees
When youre hurt
When you suffer
Im your angel undercover
Ive been numb
Im revived
Cant say Im not alive
You know I wouldnt want it any other way

It reminded me of a character in Bleach, and it was pretty amusing how well that character fits into this song. Go Youtube it!

There's nothing much happening in my life right now... except for weekly gym sessions! =P Perhaps I should learn to make more use of the school's facilities while I still can. Hmm...

2008-09-27T19:23:00.002+08:00

"The view of the majority is always right. Do you agree?"

The more I see this question, the more depressed I get! Oh nooo.......

Forget... Forget... I shall psycho myself to forget.......

The beauty of ignorance.

2008-09-26T00:13:00.002+08:00

A brain that functions as well as your legs do... is it a brain worthy of praise or one of shame?

Sometimes, it is the perspective that one has to take into account rather than the object itself. We may say that something looks aesthetically ugly, but ultimately it is us who make that judgement. There is no value to things but what we tag them with.

Money. Cold hard cash. This is the simplest example I can come up with. Look at that piece of $50 note in your hand. Stare at it. What do you see? The poor sees it as a form of relief. The rich sees it as another form of 'bonus'. You see it as what it can buy you. You attribute it to be equivalent of something you want. Does that mean that money has a physical, real value? Not really.

Imagine yourselves trapped on a deserted island, perhaps one like in the 'Lost' television series. Would you have any need for money? The rhetorical answer, I believe, is no. The tribesman of prehistoric world may see no value in money because they indulge in barter trade. The irony here, however, is that there is no difference between barter trade and cash as both serve as a product of perspective. If your perspective treats money as useless and unwanted, it would remain so. If you hunger for wealth because money satisfies your needs and wants, then money has a value to it. Similarly, if you trade your chicken for your neighbour's duck, it means that you value the duck as something of equivalence to your chicken, and that you value the duck more because you FEEL that you needed a duck more than a chicken. This instinct weigh the importance of something over another by itself is something so intrinsic that it is impossible to stop or realise, simply because it is in Man's nature and we do so without thinking.

The next time you claim something to be unworthy, think- 'this is my perspective and it's important to me; but how much is my view worth to some other person?'

2008-09-19T21:55:00.002+08:00

In the dark the dead lay dead on the ground.
In the light the living lay dead in their beds.
In the sea lives are dead in their freedom.
In the air lives are dead in their world.

The man in desperation cries for help.
The man in agony cries for help.
The man in anger cries for help.
The man in himself cries for help.

Let be the man who cries out for he is dead.
Let be the man who cries out for he is trapped.
Let be the man who cries out for hopelessness lies.
Let be the man who be himself live for he must be void.

2008-09-16T22:21:00.001+08:00

My handwriting analysis done awhile ago, it is pretty accurate from what I see... Go try it at http://www.handwritingwizard.com/

Vivian is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes.

Vivian will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Vivian an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Vivian is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Vivian is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Vivian doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Vivian will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

In reference to Vivian's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Vivian slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Vivian can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Vivian is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Vivian basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

Vivian is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

One way Vivian punishes herself is self directed sarcasm. She is a very sarcastic person. Often this sarcasm and "sharp tongued" behavior is directed at herself.

Vivian has a tendency to put things off, Vivian procrastinates. She sometimes pretends to be busy, so she will not have to do whatever she is putting off. She is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to her output on the job or at school. Remember, Vivian will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.

Vivian is very self-sufficient. She is trying not to need anyone. She is capable of making it on her own. She probably wants and enjoys people, but she doesn't "need" them. She can be a loner.

Vivian has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

2008-09-13T21:39:00.006+08:00

This is an improved version of my GP Prelims. Did some touch ups, but I still cannot fathom why the examiner claims that I have a lack of real-life examples in the essay.

'History helps us to understand the past, but it does not help us to prepare for the future.' Is this true?

'Learn from history, for it shows us our pride and our faults.' There have always been many common sayings about history whereby history is seen as a tool that helps us to understand our past, and that learning from history would prepare us for the future. What the common person often perceives of history is that it is something objective which records the past. However, this is a misconception about the nature of history as a study of the past. History is mistakenly credited to reflect truth, accuracy and objectiveness when the fact is that history is actually subjective in nature. History is written by historians who are often people in service to the state or simply just people with their own agendas and viewpoints. As such, history is never objective because it is in Man's nature to be bias and to take a stance. Take the Japanese involvement in World War II for example, the victims of the war would write terrible histories about the cruelty of Japanese ; the Japanese would write about their war heroes. In reality, Japan has indeed changed the history of war to omit the Nanjing Massacre by Japanese soldiers in Japanese school history textbooks. Therefore, the study of history is never credible and one cannot hope to say that history helps us to understand the past.

Why is then, that the common sayings about history exist? Of course there has to be some value in history if wise men have continually urged us to learn from it. What we must learn from history is to study trends. While history does not let us understand the past fully, it shows us the consequences of certain motivators (such as power and survival) and we can learn from these lessons. Rwanda's genocide did not happen overnight, and neither did India's plunge in economical status in the 1960s. From history, we learn important lessons on what pitfalls there are, so that we would avoid them in the future. Is this helping us prepare for the future? Yes, undoubtedly so? After all, isn't education from history always important?

What exactly is future? Am I going to die the next minute I step on to the road? The future is an ocean of murky waters, and we are on a wooden boat afloat on it, unknown of the hidden dangers. Future is undetermined. Twenty years ago no one would have known that technology would spread so rampantly. A hundred years ago no one would have thought it possible to travel to space for a leisure trip. We cannot predict the future. The future happens. The future changes from time to time, era to era. History, on the other hand, does not change - it merely accumulates. What we can learn from lessons centuries or decades ago may not apply to reality. Now we face problems of game addicts and threats of computer viruses that cause a loss of important data stored in the complex systems of computers. We face a growing problem of rich-poor divide. Does history prepare us for these? No. We cannot prepare ourselves for the unknown. Even a forward-looking country like Singapore who draws many lessons from history cannot do so. Singapore can only make use of history and other knowledge like economics to predict the future, trying hard to pre-empt disasters, just like how Singapore makes use of the 1997 global recession as a learning point which now enabled her to keep her economy growing even in the present situation of inflation and America's recession. The point to note, however, was that Singapore predicted and foresaw the future. Singapore has an image of the future that was projected based on history and other knowledge areas. Instead of wandering in murky waters, Singapore visualises a bright torch beam shining down at murky waters. Singapore does not prepare for the unknown, but the known - the predicted future, not future.

The subjective nature of history combined with the indeterminate nature of the future makes it difficult to prepare for the future. If we cannot truly and completely comprehend the past, what we learn from history may be misleading. Take the century old battle between Christians and Jews for example, the study of the Bible (which is considered a historical text) deems the Jews as the reincarnate of the devil, and such prejudice has persisted and eventually led to the tragic holocaust. When a group of such people who take texts at face-value without questioning if it is the truth and acts upon what they have learnt from their own 'perceived' lessons, stereotypes occur. Following the onslaught of stereotypes, discrimination would often be developed against what these people perceive collectively as 'threats' and 'impediments' to their future. This does not help us prepare for future, and the biased nature of mis-interpreted history only furthers the cohesion of the world because it highlights differences and conflicts more often than peace and stability.

The real future is elusive and ever-changing. As such, one can never be prepared for it. We can, however, prepare for a future we predict using knowledge and history. Nevertheless, the subjective nature of history and bias of Man makes us prone to misunderstanding our past, and we cannot use history to dictate how we perceive and prepare for the future.

2008-08-27T18:06:00.002+08:00

YES! Today marks the end of Prelims after tediously going for school and taking exams for 3 weeks! Whoo hoo! Time to unwind and get all the screws in me loose. Haha.

Theme song from 'Friends' - I'll be there for you - is a great song for some groovy fun~

I'm starting to understand the radio, it's finally tuning into similar wavelengths as me. Interestingly, its antenna didn't survive my torture ^^"

Brand new day, great days ahead~

2008-08-22T18:49:00.002+08:00

Finally, it's the end of the second week of prelims. Can't help but feel much more relaxed. I've been turning nocturnal recently, sleeping at about 9 to 11 and waking up early in the morning at 3 to 4am. I think some of my friends think me to be insane. Hahas.

After Tuesday's maths paper 2, that'll be the end of all the horribly gross papers that I have to take.

On another note, econs paper 2 today was mildly horrible, but I was at least quite prepared for it. Unlike the chem paper 2 in the morning where I blanked out on, I definitely have more confidence in econs. It feels great to use the brain in exams for once, instead of staring at questions you know are easy but you can't do. Heh.

I'm pondering if I should take up night running, but I absolutely hate to bathe at night unless it's like wee hours in the morning. Oh, why is my bike broken? Hais.

Darn, I just forgot what was the point I wanted to say.

Horrible mood after a quarrel with my obstinate, insistent, and self-centered mom. For goodness sake, it's over a stupid packet of tissues. GEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-13T18:03:00.002+08:00

It's has been a horrid day today. Had econs case study paper in the morning and went to JP for lunch at Long John Silvers. On the way back, I felt extremely ill for god knows what reason, and it was making my mood really bad. On the walkway to the lift, I nearly got KO'd by an incoming bicycle. Luckily the auntie stopped just in time, but she fell off and her stuff in the basket were on the floor. Wanted to offer help, but she seemed to be fine, so I just went on my way to take the lift without saying anything. Geh. Can't help but feel guilty now that I didn't help her, I guess tiredness and bad mood weren't good enough reason for myself.

About an hour ago, I was riding my own bicycle in the park nearby to vent off some boredom and frustration. My supposedly enjoyable and relaxing ride was ruined by some guy who refused to give way during a turn. The wheel portion of the bike went by with no problem, but the handlebar of both my bike and his bike crashed and I fell over. Oh joy. Scraped my lower leg on the rough cement ground and had some abrasions, but it wasn't anything serious. Interestingly, one of the pedals on his bike detached and flew off, while my bike only sustained a crooked handlebar. Hm. I'm still feeling indignant because that was the first time I crashed into someone and sustained injuries. BLEH. What's with me and the problem with bicycles today.

Grouchy. Grouchy. Grouchy. It does not help that tomorrow's paper is on pure maths, something that I seriously have dwindling passion about. Ironically, the course I want to take in Uni considers maths as the only specific criteria. Darn.

Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Vegetable. I. Need. To. Vent. Out. Some. Air.

GAH.

2008-08-11T21:15:00.004+08:00

Was trying to practise writing GP essay just now... ended up with only the intro before my brain went dead and refused to churn out anything.

TJC Prelims 2007 GP Paper 1 Qns 2

Do you agree that we live in a dangerous world?

Danger is a term familiar to Man, as it is to all other living creatures on Earth. To label something as a danger, it must first threaten life. To live, in itself, is to challenge danger and risk. The need for competition is inborn in all humans and life, and because competition is present, there will always be insecurities which would subsequently lead to risk and danger when people try to be rid of these insecurities. Danger need not necessarily be direct, such as mortal danger; it can be indirect. A needle dipped in lethal poison and isolated from people is not dangerous, but it certainly has the potential to kill. That needle is thereby considered a danger to others. Since there is life on Earth, and humans are alive, we would forever live in a dangerous world.

2008-08-09T00:45:00.007+08:00

Here lies the debris of my experiment in GP essay writing (graded by Ms Lim, and improved upon by me). It's a tad philosophical.

"Only in their dreams can Man be truly free." Comment.

Freedom is a desire that is innate in Man. Ask anyone on the streets, whether they like the feeling of stress, or having to shoulder responsibility, or feeling as if they were bound to time - a slave - helpless to the ticking of the watch, facing a brand new day. Ask again, if anyone would want a life with lesser restrictions, and the choice to not account for their actions. Ask a child, if he would prefer to play or to study; if only he had a choice. Ask an inhabitant of the Great Sahara, if he ever thought of living in a less harsh environment. This is how freedom is expressed unknowingly or explicitly, through a person's thoughts and actions.

The concept of freedom itself may not be actually real. In fact, freedom is an ideal that cannot be exemplified or realised in reality. It is an ideal because people put their faith in it, and wish for it incessantly, even though they themselves may not be aware. It is an ideal because there is no such thing as being truly free; having not to account for your actions and the impact of your actions on others, or not being restricted by any rule regardless whether these decisions are moral or not. It is an ideal also because a hermit living in complete isolation from others cannot claim that his actions in the way he lives does not impact or affect anyone, simply because he exists. Freedom is an ideal, albeit one that seems to manifest in certain societies because it is so sought after, true freedom cannot exist in reality. As such, Man can only hope to be truly free in their dreams.

Your parents first gave you a name, and your country gave you an identification number on your birth certificate when you were born. When you grow up, you are judged based on your merits and demerits - your strengths, intelligence, obedience, jail records - and your success in life is often determined by such factors. Labels. The onslaught of labels slapped onto you since the day you exist contribute to one reason why true freedom does not exist. Each label we accumulate represents accountability. For example, an university graduate who holds a degree in law is expected to be well-versed in the study, and his performance as a lawyer reflects on the credibility and ability of his university to churn out good students. Therefore, he is indirectly accountable for his actions to the university. Such accountability infringes on one's freedom, for he is no longer able to act like he wants to, but is bound by expectations and labels.

When we think of freedom and of a country, the first thing in mind that comes to us is often the United States of America. For Americans, they have long hankered after freedom. Americans are allowed to wield guns, they are allowed the privilege of free speech; but have they attained true freedom? I highly doubt so. Just like any other country, America has a hierarchy system which ranks the President at top and the common citizens at the bottom of the ladder. At each rung of the social ladder Americans have their duties and roles to play for the nation. Although small, the behaviour of one citizen can amass an effect large enough to impact the nation. Due to this effect, laws governing the nation are crucial to survival, and these restrictions (although beneficial to the country and its people) are nevertheless a barrier to Man's desire of being truly free in reality.

Imagine, when you retreat from reality and into your own world of dreams and imagination. You are free to make up stories of knights in shining armour and villains who kill for the fun of it. You see someone you have a crush on in your dreams and you manoeuvre yourself in the position to love that person. You see your nemesis, or the person who caused your parent's death and you kill him there. In your dreams, there are no restrictions, no one dictating that what you do is wrong, that you have failed. Man sees what he wants to, do as he pleases - to many, that is being truly free.

However, there is a question we should ask ourselves; do we not break out in cold sweat after we imagine ourselves killing someone, or feel happy after we had a good dream? My point here, simply, is that while we are free to dream about what we want, reality still hinges upon us in our dreams. Ever since we were young, reality had shaped our mindsets and our morals. Our reactions towards our dreams reflects who we are intrinsically. The shame, happiness, guilt and sorrow we experience after a dream happen because we are bound by reality. Even in dreams we often do not imagine ourselves doing something people term as 'crazy' - like running nude around a city. According to experts, the absence or presence of desires in our dreams often reflect what we want in real life, and since what we had experienced in real life is so hopelessly interwoven by labels and expectations and boundaries and socialised into us, we cannot say that we are truly free even in our dreams because we are eventually accountable to ourselves and what life has ingrained in us. Our heart, and drilled-in morality since young restricts us and prevent people from relishing in their freedom while in the state of dreaming.

The concept of freedom being an ideal, it is therefore impossible for Man to embrace it regardless whether he does so in reality or the dream world. Man is eventually accountable to himself and restricted by his own birth and his innate nature; he cannot be truly free.

2008-07-27T21:11:00.002+08:00

Ever tried tried taking on more than you can muster, more than you can complete?

Ever tried burning yourself up on both ends, and ended up with no way out to retreat to?

Ever tried screaming silently to yourself, and ended up getting yourself screamed at?

I think. I think. I think.

Sometimes, there are certain stuff that you have to give up, so that you can concentrate on others and make up schedule fit for humans to keep up with.

Sometimes, trying too hard, too fast, just means that you're on speedway to doom and failure; that you're pushing too much, and you turn out worse than ever.

So, I've been considering. Thinking over, pondering through. Deciding for myself what's best for me.

2008-07-20T18:06:00.002+08:00

Words, sometimes, are not effective tools to verbalise our thoughts and feelings.

Other times, touch and the sixth sense do not pick up on the delicate very well either.

It feels cold to bask in the sun, and feels homely to embrace the moonlight.

Where then, is the line between reality and fantasy?

How does someone know if they're in the real world, living and breathing?

How does someone know what is real?

Is it the end of the world, when you touch a cool exterior of a piece of frozen glass and think it to feel so surreal?

Trapped. Suffocating. Can't breathe. Insanity.

2008-07-08T22:19:00.002+08:00

It is always easy to make someone cry. To stem the flow of tears, however, might not be so. Is it good then, to be there for someone... ready to lend your shoulders for the person who's sobbing? Is it worth it, to lend your shoulders to someone to bawl- just to look up at the skies and weep silent tears?

2008-07-05T14:41:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: December 14

People wouldn't take you for a passionate person - and that's where they'd be wrong.

You can develop deep emotions quickly, and you're the type most likely to move in with someone after a few dates.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 6

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 3

You are most compatible with people born on the 5th, 14th, and 23rd of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

2008-06-29T00:24:00.002+08:00

Second post of the day.

Intelligence. What determines who's an intellectual and who's not? I believe that it has something to do with the genes, the way you carry yourself, the way you process information, and the way you speak. You can be an eccentric; you can be a normal person; you can be an arrogant person.

Perhaps you don't feel it yourself. Perhaps all of the above isn't true. Perhaps it's just what others perceive you as. Others who think at a much different level from you, others who do not understand you.

There are some people, whereby no matter how you look at them, they just don't seem intelligent. There are others, whereby upon further inspection, you start to see their values.

Which group do you belong to? The intelligent, or the commoner?

2008-06-28T17:05:00.002+08:00

A sense of nostalgia pervades my mind recently, and many memories surface again at the back of my mind. Sometimes, I wonder... How does someone keep in touch with a large group of friends and not stray away from the friendship? Is keeping in touch possible, considering the busy life that many people lead?

Somehow, I've had this urge to see and talk to one person again. Strangely though, this wasn't a person that I was very close to, neither was she someone whom I'd knew for a long time, nor was she a person I'd kept much contact with or someone who's in the same school, or of the same age as me. This is a person who would have otherwise been a stranger to me, if fate did not allow us to chance on each other in the same activity.

Nostalgia... nostalgia... Of life and people we'd known.

2008-06-19T22:51:00.002+08:00

Spent a whole day today 'muggin' It's more of a 60-40 with 40 being studying. Hahas. Arthur calls the amount of stuff I'd studied insane, but i think it's what i call 'as nature comes'. Oh well, the procrastinator in me tells me that my brain isn't cut out for wholeload memorising and to take things step by step =)

Tried studying, but it's difficult to start unless u have someone smack ur head over and over again to remind you. Besides that, a good place to study, the weather, and your surroundings affect it a lot too.

Heh...

2008-06-18T23:11:00.002+08:00

Whew. I'm feeling so bloated right now, after a large cup of sinful Belgian chocolate at coffee bean and a small portion of frog leg porridge at home for supper =X Been telling myself to work on homework and to revise for maths for the whole day today, but sadly, I was distracted by many stuff. Nevertheless, I shall strive to complete my GP work and study for maths tomorrow at Mac~

Spent a bomb in popular again buying pens. I feel so cheated. The refill for the series for the uniball pen I use for writing is only a pathetic 10 cents cheaper than the pen itself. Geh. Oh well, perhaps I should congratulate myself for helping to save the earth by buying lesser plastic.

The night is cold, and it simply feels so shiok~

Gambatte!

2008-06-15T20:47:00.002+08:00

There are some things, that can be captured more perfectly by Chinese than English.

时间过得好快，一转眼就已经是一年半了。恐怕多眨一下眼，就会是年尾了。每想到自己即将毕业，心头总是刺刺的。接触两年的朋友，这些友谊是珍贵，是无法被取代的。自知生命中并没有不散的宴席，但心中每想到这些与同学之间的回忆及欢乐即将会慢慢的被时间的横流冲淡时，真的希望时间会停止，希望自己永远不会长大。

人心难测，当你开始长大，身边的人好像变得越来越阴险，越来越卑微人与人之间的交情。可悲，可悲啊。

-

I was thoroughly amazed by the ending of the anime A.R.I.A. the origination. This very last episode of the 3rd season was something extremely special. Despite me watching only the 1st season, it was enough to move me to tears... Imagine if you were a person who had watched it from start to end?

Have you ever seen anything that makes you feel bittersweet, and yet you know that things in the future for what you saw were going to be better; that what happened in the past should be treasured preciously as fond memories? Ever thought of how it would be, when someone who had tread the same path as you for a long time takes a different fork in life?

Ultimately... everybody leads their own life and tread their own paths. It is a lonely way to live, but lonely we are for we were born alone and will die alone...

2008-06-12T21:24:00.002+08:00

Just bought a new watch today from a store in vivo, and at a cheap price of 10 bucks. It's square, black, and looks really cool to me. It's a sad thing though, for within hours of wearing it I scratched the glass accidentally on something. Bleh. Got to get a screen protector for it...

My sis complains that the watch I got was too simple, but I still think that simplicity is beauty =) Just simply can't stand the sight of the horribly butchered stuff that predominates the fashion industries especially. Something simple, yet elegantly designed in the cutting and shape would definitely be more outstanding to my eyes then those mixed and match collages.

I bypassed a couple directly on my way out of vivocity today, and I thought they were rather sweet. I mean, one of them gave the other a quick kiss on the cheek as goodbye. These are some things like this that just puts a great smile on my face =D

Another cute thing too! Apparently the mega pet store in vivo is selling a puppy Samoyed of 3 months old~ it's really, really, uber cute... too bad pictures of the puppies weren't allowed to be taken. I love Samoyeds, although their long and white fur are really difficult to maintain.. hahas. One day when I move into my own apartment, I'm going to buy a dog~

2008-06-04T00:26:00.002+08:00

Been watching a Jap drama 'Last Friends' and I found it rather interesting and heart warming. It's about the life of 5 people living in a shared house and how they intertwine with each other. A warning though, this isn't catered for the close-minded audience as it contains plots underlying with controversial moral issues. It's available on Veoh and perhaps Youtube.

A line in this drama made me think... 'There are some things people don't want to tell others even until they die."

How true this is. It's in the nature of humans to fear rejection, just as it is the nature of humans to be suspicious of others, to need acceptance, to be the best. Sometimes, I think, it is exactly all these innate countenances that make up the fabric of social life.

.............. TBC?

2008-06-02T18:18:00.002+08:00

Whew. First post in June.

Unknowingly, one week of the Mid- year holidays flew away right before my eyes. Had a pretty good rest time for the whole week, catching up with some old friends and current ones and spent some time with my family. Tutored my sis, and I need to seriously think about how best to work with her. Bleh.

Today's the start of a brand new week, and it's gonna be a pretty busy one. I uploaded a Google calendar to keep check of the stuff that I have. It's good to have a online copy of it somewhere, just in case I lose the hard copy. I'll probably be updating the calendar with reminders and all, but I have the feeling that it'll probably be mostly blank. Hahas. Perhaps I should go and hook myself up with more activities.

There's a couple of mid-year papers coming up soon, and hopefully I'll be able to focus and concentrate on studying and doing well for them. Needa learn how to love studying and doing homework soon.

Zzz...

2008-05-30T20:33:00.002+08:00

坦白说，我开始觉得自己的华文水平渐渐的退步。这令我感到非常苦恼，因为我自小便来自一个以华文为主的家庭，也常把华语当成母语。也许最近比较少接触这个语言吧，句子结构也变得怪怪的，很不顺畅。我承认自己也挺想念上华文课的日子。每当想到即将忘记一个从小学起的语言，心中总会有一种刺刺的感觉。

哈哈，突然又觉得自己好像老了。

2008-05-28T19:26:00.002+08:00

Today marks the death of my young, but very precious external hard drive. It's the first item I'd bought with my very first salary that I had gotten from my first experience at work, so it's kind of sad.

More importantly, the hard drive died with all my effort, hard work and precious things in it. My songs, videos, program files, school stuff, contact numbers... everything... is gone.

The long hours that I spent into typing out all my fan-fiction stories have all gone to nought, for the entire folder labelled 'works' is trapped in that failed hard drive. This is the hardest fact for me to accept, for I had just gotten into the mood for writing again yesterday and this had to happen... I'm at a loss for words...

Those stories that I'd lost... they were my heartaches, my emotions, my feelings, my efforts, my works and my pride and joy.... and each of them represented something I wanted to convey.... It feels worse than the death of someone I know.. because ultimately, this death belongs to me and me alone. Ever wondered how you feel if you die?

. . . . . Sometimes... I just hate technology. The irony... when technology is becoming more and more advanced, it seems that it gets worse and worse in terms of quality and shelf-life. Hell... My house's washing machine that's almost 20 years in service is still functioning fine, and the dear hard drive that I bought during December last year is dead!

Indignant.

2008-05-24T14:44:00.002+08:00

Finished my GP common test yesterday, and it was relatively okay despite me being at a loss at what I had to do to prepare for it.

For paper 1, a question that was highly similar to the question I did for TCA 4 came out, and I immediately crossed it the moment I saw it. Lols. I'd learnt from my lesson that I shouldn't attempt a question that I did not fully understand for a test. The questions we had to choose from were mostly quite challenging. I spent almost up to 5 minutes deciding on the appropriate question to do and another 10 odd minutes planning it out. Whew.

Paper 2 was slightly harder than any of the papers that I'd done before, especially the AQ which was quite tricky. The summary was okay though =D There were certain parts of the two passages that I had to read and re-read in order to get the point, and time was a little tight. Didn't manage to pull off something good for AQ because I'm still quite unfamiliar with the evaluation for the question. Hmm. I think I'll probably only get a 3/8 if I'm lucky.

Still at home blogging now because people flew my aeroplanes today.. heh. Perhaps I should still go out and chill.

2008-05-22T17:41:00.002+08:00

It's called restlessness.

Like a thousand hands ruffling through your hair, your mood shifts with each and every trigger. Your senses prick at every movement, and your mind wanders through the catacombs of possibilities. You are mildly aware of the after-taste, but it is not enough to deter you from the lure of darkness.

You hid in the deepest of all underground tunnels, basking in the familiarity of the abyss. For a long long time you hid, and avoided contact with any creature who went by you. You used to listen to these foreign animals.. thinking how wonderful it would be if you found someone your kind to relate with. At times when you were at it, you would never notice the tears running down your face, nor the know of the laughter you were missing out.

......... TBC

2008-05-21T21:33:00.004+08:00

Just a short post before I sleep, and I realise that I'm starting to develop a habit to blogging at times when I should really be doing something else more important. Maybe this reflects my lack of discipline.. hmm.. a slightly disturbing thought.

Was feeling absolutely horrible today, but I can't really fathom why my mood seemed to shift and change like a kite in the wind. I feel a storm in the brewing; and I think it's coming up soon... I don't know what happened, but I am getting quite affected by it. Actually, I can't wait for the holidays to come so that I can recuperate and ease some of my tension.

Screwed up in my last GP TCA before the common test tomorrow. Was trying to comfort myself that I wasn't that bad by putting blame on the question, and then I thought that it was silly and I really should be glad that I had a chance to try out something different. At least now I know what a stupid decision it is sometimes to choose something that you had interest in instead of something common and easy. Or perhaps I should just start bucking up for GP. And Maths. And Econs.

Got to get my life under control, and not let life control me.

Words that are silent,
seemed to echo.
But what I hear,
might not be what you said.
There's a distance,
a growing gap.
I know not why;
I'm facing walls all around.

How I wish that,
I could cure blindness.
Open one's eyes,
to the beauty surrounding them
Open one's eyes,
to the other who takes a backseat

How I wish that,
I could cure deafness.
Let them hear,
the pleading cries of the helpless
Let them hear,
the anguished voice of the lost ones

How I wish that,
I could open people's hearts.
Help them embrace,
the different- the child's voice
Help them embrace,
the diversity of life.

I'm slowly stepping away,
and I know you know it.
I'm inching away;
just so that you'll have more time.
I'm inching away;
every movement brings me regrets that I can't help.
I'm inching away;
so that you could take the first step.

I'm tired.
I'm weary.
I don't know what I can do.
Show me. Tell me. Talk to me.

2008-05-16T21:04:00.002+08:00

Poverty is a disaster that the world overlooks. To what extent is it true?

This question just popped up in my head while I was reading up on the natural disasters that were occurring in Myanmar and China. In both countries, they receive either national, regional or international aid (all more than one of them) in rescuing and securing a place for the refugees to settle down and relocate.

And I thought, wow, people are sure generous and caring to be helping those in need. The thought which came to my mind then, was this:

"If a natural disaster or a devastating terrorist attack incurs so much attention and aid from people, why is something like absolute poverty (which has the same effect on people as a natural disaster does) be so overlooked and of so much lesser concern, even if it is a more pervasive and widespread problem?"

I thought it might be that natural disasters brought on much damage to land, property and all things material like buildings/schools etc that made it much more important then addressing the issue of poverty... BUT, I realised that although there were no such form of mass destruction in poor countries or the poorer regions of a country, it is only because there have been nothing much that could have been destroyed that is of 'value' to a nation. Hence, in both cases, the lack of sanitary facilities, power, and all things basic are present to an almost equivalent extent!

I'm perturbed by this question...

2008-05-10T21:23:00.003+08:00

It's been a tiring but a relatively good week for me. Fell asleep mainly during econs and maths lecture because I had a lack of sleep for the entire week. Sadly though, I woke up at 9am this morning instead of a later timing that I'd preferred.

I've been wondering about a question. Exactly how 'wrong' are these controvesial issues such as incest/homosexuality/paedophilia?

To me, at least...

Paedophilia is something that I'll never approve of. People who take advantage of a child's innocence to commit such filthy acts for their own satisfaction disgust me. There can be nothing to make this act more acceptable, because the victim in question had been dealt with a heavy blow because of their ignorance and trust of others. The hurt and trauma left over from the incident is a long lasting one, because a childhood hurt costs more than an adult one. Children are vulnerable.

Incest... It depends, I supposed. If 2 perfectly logical adults who happen to be siblings are in love together with each other, I say let them be. If either party is not willing to go through with it, then I think it's time to stop and step into the picture. It is never right for you to enter the picture (that was not yours to begin with) and enforce your perspectives. That's arrogance. What you think to be wrong may not be what others think to be wrong. To interfere in a person's private matters without their permission or consent is a downright despicable thing to do.

On the note of homosexuality, my view still stands. If both parties are willing, get your excruciatingly long nose of other people's business. If a guy gets raped by another guy, the authorities should step in. But it should not be the homosexual behaviour that is judged, but the act of rape itself.

Open your eyes wide. The trauma of a girl being raped by a guy is the same amount of trauma faced if she was raped by a girl. Not only gay people get AIDS, straight people do get AIDS too. in fact, it is often the straight people who do not protect themselves more often that the gay people. Next time when you say scathing words about homosexuals, think about the logicality and validity of your words and accusations.

2008-05-06T21:15:00.003+08:00

I really shouldn't be blogging. I have chem, maths, bio and econs homework to do. I really should not be blogging.

GP lesson was rather interesting and thought provoking. A surreal desire for no accountability and total freedom is a view and a desire that's probably innate in everyone. However, the ironic part is that though these desires exist because of the people's existence, it cannot be achieved because of our very existence which conflicts with the ideology. The social structure of civilisation and society has made our lives so intertwined together that even a hermit living in a mountain are still subjected to restrictions on freedom and held accountable for his actions. Hence, to pursue freedom is a foolish one, even though one can hope.

Something is bogging me, and I can't quite place a finger to it.

I'm horrified. I question- am I living in reality? What exactly is reality? In this world, what is real? Suddenly, everything seems to surreal to me. My mind's a fog. It's like I'm living in a dream world that I'm trapped in. Are the emotions that I'd experienced for real? Many stuff appears so fragile to me, just like the evasiveness of a dream such that I'll forget everything when I wake up. The purpose of existence... am i existing? Am I really breathing, living, walking, thinking, talking- or is everything just a part of nothing? Am I alive or simply a walking corpse?

Don't talk to me about Gods or any other higher beings. Preach to me that we're a tiny tank called universe that some major giant manipulates like we do to pet hamsters and turtles and their habitats... and I may agree with it. Tell me that someone created us and we have our lives and paths set for us on the day we were born... and I would ask you to preach holiness somewhere else. I'd always had that firm belief that those higher beings are a figment of imagination constructed by people who need a pillar to lean on and escape to when they need it. I have no qualms about other people believing in it, just don't come telling a skeptic like me to believe in them.

Relationships... I give a bitter laugh at the mere mention of the word. To me, they are more fragile than anything else in the world. Even a newborn baby might just be stronger than these. Too much bad memories, perhaps. Or maybe I'd only remembered the bad ones and forgotten all the good.

Attachment..... it is a human craving and need to be touched. To be touched and cuddled and hugged like you're the most precious thing in the entire world. To feel like you're safe in the embrace- and in the moment you're invincible because you're protected and someone is always to catch you when you fall. What you feel is that you could soar to the highest skies even with broken wings, that you belong somewhere to someone in this cold, lonely world, that you're loved. It's a sad sad feeling to know that you're alone and no one is there for you; no matter how rotten you're feeling; no matter how much you wanted to share the joy of a success; no matter how much you feel like crying; no matter how broken you are...

In fact... there's no word to describe the pain of it... it's something worse that being very sad. It's an extreme that would be surpassed; far beyond the edge of the emotional cliff.

And I confess. I confess that I feel jealous whenever I see friends enjoying themselves and basking in each other's warmth. I feel jealous whenever I see couples being in love. I feel jealous whenever I see families who spend happy times together. I feel jealous whenever people talk about all the branded stuff and goods they have and when they complain that they didn't like what they have. I confess that I had a bad childhood. I confess that I occasionally think that I need to see a counsellor. I confess that I feel unfair at why I was born into a poor family. I confess that I hate to be looked down upon or pitied or being treated as charity. I confess that I hate those expectant eyes that tell me I need to do better because I'm not utilising my full potential. But most of all I confess that I hate people who trample on my pride and manipulate me like a puppet, and people who do cowardly things like backstab simply because they do not have the courage to face up to people for fear of discovering that they may be wrong in their thought or action or to achieve what they can with their own prowess.

I admit. My life is built on ego, pride, expectations and selfish desires, but there's always more to it than what the superficial gives. However, it is exactly my pride, ego and expectations who had made my life's worth now.

What was done to me created me.

2008-05-04T16:40:00.002+08:00

There's a delicate balance you have with every person you know. These balances you have make you happy, bored and all things more positive.

You mess up one of them, and it leaves you breathless. Like you're trapped, like you're stuck. Can't do anything, tired of doing everything.

You want to break free, but something is holding you back. Responsibility, accountability, pride... just to name a few.

And then you start getting unhinged- imbalanced in everything you do. You lack motivation, and become argumentative.

The balance gets worse. It's a vicious cycle, just so you know. A very vicious cycle that's hard to break out of. The funny thing is, the world doesn't stop for you alone, so the pressures just keep on piling.

A funnier thing? Through the years, you learned not to be so repressed, so introverted; learned to be honest-- what did that get you into?

It got you into crap, nothing else.

You know you're sick of it. You know you're tired of it. The problem is that this crap is only the beginning of something beyond your imagination.

To put a metaphor, it takes you a long time to grow. To grow tall and taller; you want to stand upright, straight and proud. You are a lovely flower, rising up high above others- but there's always someone who's waiting with a huge pair of scissors nearby. Observing you with jealous eyes, diverting the attention needed for you to continue growing so that you'll stagnate, or even better, allow an opening for the scissors to snip your prettiness away.

You know that. Sometimes though, you just feel like falling and letting others take the glory. Even the largest, strongest rock gets weathered away by the harsh winds and rains.. let alone a lonely flower..

2008-05-01T22:13:00.003+08:00

Taking some time off to blog before I enter my slumber once more.

Haven't been feeling well for the whole day, and it didn't help that I was messing around all the dusty boxes in my room and the store searching for a CD.

Finally got back my computer from the repairman, and I'm sad to say that all my previous files in the old computer that wasn't saved into the portable hard disk were all lost. Which meant that my previous msn conversations, some pictures, music and video files were all gone. But what saddens me most is that I'd lost the story that I had worked on for 3 tough days. Only had some remnants of it from what Arthur sent me.

Spent the whole day sneezing while trying to download and re-install programs. The weather being so warm didn't help at all and I was jugging down plenty of water and sweating like mad the entire day.. even now. Heh. If this doesn't signal global warming, then I proclaim that people have lost their perceptive senses to the indulgence of machines.

Hoping that I'm not starting to develop a fever for there's chem SPA tomorrow and I want to do well for it since I know I'd already screwed up my bio SPA. Throat's been feeling a little sore as well...

Subtlety, little signs that point here and there
A fine line between pushing and pulling
Mind games, the worst ever
Energy sapped
Retreat or Pride?
Childish, stubborn irritant in my eyes
Grow up already
I've long passed the line of giving in haplessly

Just a stray thought in my head.

Watched a film during GP for the past few lessons and I can't help but snort at the obsessive stupidity featured. In fact, I think it's hanging on the word insanity.

Oh well, at least it had made me decide on which question to choose and prepare for the next GP TCA.

2008-04-22T22:04:00.003+08:00

Is there joy in creation?

Yes, there is.

Spent a majority of my time at home today holing up in my room other than to go out occasionally to get a drink and for dinner. Finally gotten some writing done after a long period of stagnancy. Currently, my head is swimming with many ideas, but there's simply no more energy for the continuation of the creation marathon. I'm feeling quite worn out, but it's definitely time well spent.

Read a story halfway through writing mine as I was feeling a little less motivated. Was actually quite pleased with what I was reading until it started becoming more and more drama. Although I do not fault the author's efforts and the language, I find myself screaming in protest at the draggy plotline. Oh well, guess life doesn't give you everything you want.

My right arm feels so strange, and it hurts when I lift my whole arm towards the air. Wonder if I did anything to it during today's PC or yesterday's Sports Heats for javelin. Hmm.

2008-04-20T21:11:00.002+08:00

This, is what I want to blog about.

What do you associate with this picture? Is it a circle? A ball? Earth? A cycle? A line that's neverending?

In my opinion, this represents everything there is.

....

.....

....

Why do I say so?

....

...

....

Tell me, what does not occur in a circle? Where do you not find cycles?

Use your intelligence.

Fault me.

Challenge me.

2008-04-17T21:25:00.003+08:00

Mugging.

Frankly, I do not understand the culture of mugging till you puke blood. Nor do I understand the culture of workaholics.

What's the use of memorising words and downloading information to your brain every single minute of the day when you're not - 1. resting; 2. sleeping; 3. eating; 4. studying in school; 5. bathing; and letting it eat into time for yourself?

Sure, there's always a sense of satisfaction when you complete a piece of work, be it homework, project, or an art. But is there satisfaction in completing something repetitive and boring? School work isn't supposed to be crammed in. It's supposed to be something you enjoy, something you understand and visualize, even if the actual experience with the stuff that you learn may be impossible. It is supposed to be learning, supposed to be fun and thought-provoking, not the mindless memorization of words. That is how I think school should be. It should broaden your horizons and give you an insight in the world of knowledge.

If you know a concept, you know it. What's the analogy behind applying the same concept to each question that you do, other than to make yourself go 'oh, crap. Not this same thing again'? True, you may say that with practice comes perfection, but why do we seek perfection? Isn't knowledge enough to satisfy people? Take for example.. If you know how to make a car shine in polish, why isn't it enough? Why do people want it to be so sparkling that it blinds the pedestrians who are on the pavements when you drive by?

Sometimes, I find it really funny. When people teach, they go into a monologue and talk about everything you should be learning about. But when you start doing the homework, you'll get stuck. Why is it the case?

There's only one reason why people get stuck while doing homework, assuming that they are in the mood to do work.

1. They do not know, or understand, what concepts and theories they should use to answer the questions.

And this, is caused by a few reasons:

1. They were distracted when the stuff was taught
2. They did not understand the question
3. The concept was not taught

Reason 3 disturbs me the most. Really.

Because I view learning as a platform for questions and answers to mingle. In answers, questions are found. In questions, answers are found. That must have been the way great scientists and mathematicians and even philosophers worked.

Reason 3... suggests to me that the education we are undergoing is flawed. We have a education system. We have a syllabus to follow, and this has been decided by more educated and able personnel what the new and future generation should study about. This I agree with.

However, why is it then, in schools, the questions that we are exposed to which are set by the teachers in the school itself so unreadable and confusing that we don't know what to do with it? I always mentally give a bitter laugh when a teacher goes: 'you won't be able to do this question as it wasn't taught in the lecture' It is strange that we are given questions to do whereby these stuff are what we did not learn.

I hate this sentence even more.

'It is not required in the syllabus, you don't need to know'

Syllabus?! Good grief. When had learning been limited to a foolish and lame thing such as the syllabus? If I was a teacher, my priority will be to teach students. The syllabus is a strict guideline to follow, but it is a guideline nonetheless. No one can wield a chopper at your neck to force you to stop teaching that is out of the syllabus! (unless what you are teaching is morally or conceptually wrong) It is only irresponsibility, arrogance or a lack of passion that makes a teacher say such words. When students ask proper questions, we know that the answers are important for us in understanding the concept better.

That aside. Despite all the musing, I appreciate the need for a structured education system. Sometimes though, I just wish that people weren't so rigid. Education empowers people, for it is what truly differentiate us from less intelligent animals. I also clearly realize the stark reality of the difference between an educated person and a non-educated person. It's a matter of life and death.

Nevertheless, I question- if there were no high level of technology, does education matter?

Yeah... did theoretical education matter in times like..... AD1000?