I have lips and voice that refuses to say what my head is thinking. Thankfully my hands are standing on the other side of the fence.

Me.

Sometimes, I feel as if control is slipping away through my fingers and it scares me to think of what I would do if I lost control.

Sometimes, I am unable to express what I feel verbally, but when I try to do it through actions... I think it scares people I care about away, because I'll never know where the line is and no one ever tells me. They just run away.

Sometimes, when I hear my parents quarreling, it triggers something that feels like a monster deep within me - like a trauma that never healed and the feeling gets dug out from the deep recesses of my being and I just feel like screaming at them to stop quarreling.

Sometimes, when I see a guy, I get torn between reality and horror, for I know what they are capable of doing, beneath the seemingly innocent front.

Sometimes, when my mom talks about someone, I resent her for it, because I could never tell her what that someone did to me.

Sometimes, I may appear happy, but deep down I know it's just a facade.

Sometimes, something makes me happy - but I don't realize it until sometime later when people have forgotten about it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should die, who would truly remember me and yearn for my companionship once more? Who would regret not communicating with me more?

There are many actions that people do which I do not understand, and sometimes it makes me feel mind-fucked and I hate the feeling.

What I hate even more is the idea of being forgotten, of being taken for granted, of being taken advantaged of.

Every time I see someone with a relatively happy and carefree childhood, I wonder why mine was the way it is, and why those people still complain about what they already have which I don't.

I spent the majority of my life locked behind the doors of my room, in my own world, just so that I can keep myself sane in the insane world I'm surrounded in.

It is solace that I seek, and the comfort of having someone to anchor me to reality, to life - so that I would have the courage to look forward to the future.

For graduation scares me - ahead lies a gazillion choices in life that I have to sift through.

My sanctuary lies in the silence of the night. Yet, the night brings forth emotions which I do not understand; thoughts that I should not entertain; feelings that I cannot identify.

I cried halfway while reading this.

http://www.ralst.com/DifferentTimeDifferentPrincess.HTM

Sighs... fairytales...

What I have been listening to recently

1. 情无独钟 by Sammi Cheng



2. Alejate by Josh Groban



3. What you want (ft freeway) by LL cool j - Todd Smith



4. Me voy by Julieta Venegas

Querido diario,

Hoy me he levantado a las nueve en punto de la manana y me he banado despues. En mi habitacion, he hecho los deberes hasta once y media. Despues de algun tiempo, he ido a el mercado cerca para comprar mi almuerzo favorito y he vuelto a mi casa. He visto una pelicula se ha llamado "Sherlock Holmes" mientras he almorzado.

Esta tarde, he ido a la universidad en el autobus y he tenido las clases de espanol y de contabilidad. He estado muy cansado y he dormido un poco en las clases de contabilidad.