Tonight, out of curiosity, I read a letter that I'd written on 29/01/2008 but was never sent. Neither had I remembered its existence until some weeks back when I was clearing out my room stuff.

And now, I laugh at the irony of things. And now.... this section of the letter strikes the chords deepest in me.

Where love and pain merge

I choose to forget

For there is no sense

To suffer for what's not possible.

Its funny how things have come to a full circle, and its back to the starting point.

Reading this letter had made me remember things I have forgotten, and a part of myself that was lost is coming back gradually.

Certain things, you gotta deal with it.

Certain things, you gotta learn to let go.

Certain things, you gotta learn the baseline.

Certain things, you gotta learn to accept.

Certain things, are just not compatible with you.

There's plenty of things I have yet to learn. But I'm glad... I feel as if I've grown up a little more now - and I'm glad to realize that I have yet to lose certain qualities that I'd like to keep

=)

Closing a chapter in my life, and I'm looking for an opportunity to start writing the next chapter. Blundering along, saying things the way I see it, searching for new people in my life who can accept me for who I am, who can give me and themselves a chance to discover more about each other.

The bow stretched, the eye trained, the arrow running true.

I've been thinking... perhaps I should get a tattoo of bows and arrows... hmm. (imagines my mom screaming in the background)

The eyes are dry

The heart feels empty

The distance growing longer

The knowledge - slices the heart

The handling - incomplete

The avoidance - creates frustration

I don't know what to do anymore.

It feels like I'm burying everything into work.

The worst kind of feeling is that you want to cry your heart out but tears do not flow; where your heart is bleeding but it is still continuing to pump.

The scars of love

What is the beginning of love? Is it a look? A smile? An innocent touch?

No.

The beginning of love is when you and your beloved one start out on even ground, where both of you are willing to give yourself the chance to know the other person - and to find out how you fare together, no matter how impossible it may seem. The beginning of love is when you want to find out the little quirks that make the other person interesting and the nasty habits which makes the person appalling and to accept that person for who he/she is, without measuring that person up against anyone else you had been in a relationship with. The key idea here is to keep an open mind.

Why are crushes named so?

I believe they are so called because the chances of them crushing your heart with a ruthless rejection are greater than the chances of them reciprocating your feelings. I don't know which is worse - to have your hopes crushed or to have a knife stabbed through your fragile heart and twisted around till everything's mangled. Sometimes the ruthlessness is scary. Perhaps they would just shoot you down before you could even get a word in to present your case and ask them for a chance. Or perhaps they would work in the "smash" together with other heart-wrenching experiences which render you confused, heartbroken and lost.

Well, crushes goes back to the point of even ground. When a person has a secret crush, it is likely that he/she will lower themselves to accommodate the other, at the extent of losing oneself and being tortured mentally and emotionally on a regular basis. That's why an even ground is needed to begin any relationship. So... lose your crushes fast, and instead... tell them before you get too emotionally invested.

I have lips and voice that refuses to say what my head is thinking. Thankfully my hands are standing on the other side of the fence.