What Vivian Lau Shi Ni Means

You are very hyper. You never slow down, even when it's killing you. You're the type of person who can be a workaholic during the day... and still have the energy to party all night. Your energy is definitely a magnet for those around you. People are addicted to your vibe. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Hmm.... It really is pretty true, except the suave and sexy part. Lols xD

Ever felt like you're lost in a dense jungle without a compass? Like you're floating by, passing each day as a day because you've lost that anchor in life?

I'm floundering in the deep dark.

Forsaken, a haunted estate filled with multitudes of grievances and sadness. A place where only the owner visits at times to rant, and sometimes to cry. People may slink by once in a while, but they never ever leave their footprints behind. This makes the owner wonder; Am I surrounded by hidden agendas and ulterior motives, many of which I have chosen to sideline?

It's ethereal, it's reality - It lies between the fine line of what's tangible and what's not. The existence of such a place can't be denied, but what exists within could be.

With oft, it seems that though the venue lingers, the eyes are not upon it. And the owner feels such disappointment, for this has thus failed in its duties.

The owner wonders why; Am I so insignificant that no ones bothers about me? But no answers would be given and wild thoughts continue to wander.

Trapped, alone. There's no greater wish than someone who understands, who cares for and someone who could see and comfort the hidden person locked away under masks of confidence and joy.

One rare post where I may seem coherent, since I'm currently in quite a good mood right now.

Went for JJC Drama Festival today, and I"m glad that I did. Lols. The teachers' play about a wall was wonderful~

1st play was about slaves, the storyline was ok, predictable, but had some strong actors and actresses. A shame though, as one of the characters was a total monotone despite being given expressive lines. Hahas, had a great laugh during this play though, it was totally hilarious.

2nd play was about this married couple who was bored of each other; storyline was kinda very predictable, and personally, I think that the characters could have been more 3D.

3rd play by the students was the best one of all in my opinion. Didn't make no head or tail at the beginning, but it intrigued me enough to continue watching with interest. Not only that, the poems read out during the play were very emotional. The play had a couple of decent actors and actresses as well, the backstage crew were really good.

And my favourite out of the whole festival. The teachers' play~

It's about this guy who was curious about what was on the other side of the wall that surrounds the area he lives in. He asks everyone about it, and everyone just ignores him, content with what they currently have now. Synopsis sounds boring here, but the play of words and rhymes were what made the play enjoyable.

Hahas, the main character is my econs teacher and she's absolutely great in the play. Lols. And so were the other teachers xD

Ahhh.... this has reignited my interest in such plays and musicals~ *hearts*

Debating, debating
Wondering, wondering
Retorting, retorting

I pondered through the many vying for a place in my mind
Events I've encountered, life, school, homework, family, friends, teachers
And I try to stay away from the one thing that plagues my mind so

Countless bombardments
Constant thoughts
And lately, images that lead me into a deep quagmire

Revolving, revolving
Distance seemed to help but a tiny bit
What I need is a great distraction
And some alone time to think

Stifled, choking, chained
My desire to be free
My want to be unrestrained
My wish to be without fear
My hope for reciprocation

Where art thou?

Bittersweet Loving - copyrighted by me

There was this time
when the full moon shone down
It lit up my steps
and left footprints behind

Kisses were made
In the light of full moon
And waves were witness to my love for you

And in my slumber
Films rolled by and by
Memories of us
Played over and again

I need no tapes
to remind me of you
For my heart ain't here
it's held captive by you

And then one day
I suddenly confessed
You stared at me
and ran away
The hurt I felt
was nothing compared
to the gaping hole you left in my chest

And in my slumber
Films rolled by and by
Memories of us
Played over and again

Tears may roll past
But I would never blame you
Your beautiful happiness
Is what I really want

I need no tapes
to remind me of you
For my heart ain't here
it's still held captive by you

For you to be happy...

A precious memory... a vulnerability...
A desire to protect something like this.
To cherish you, keep this safe, make you smile..
If only, you would let me?

Maybe... maybe...

So few make me feel tender-hearted...

Should I risk everything and throw it all out?

Have you ever felt?

The horrid cold which blows past your ears in a storm.

The chill....

First it was scratch. Then an abrasion. It evolved next into a cut, and after that something fatal. Every line upon the flesh a reminder; it's the imaginary but hurts like something extraordinary.

Empty words. Empty promises. Empty agreements.

I knocked on the shell, the sound of hollowness rebounds. No one ever answers the door.

Worn out, I left.

The crash of ocean waves deafens me.

"For example, myrrh appears very agreeable to men and intolerable to beetles and bees. Oil also, which is useful to men, destroys wasps and bees if sprinkled on them; and sea-water, while it is unpleasant and poisonous to men if they drink it, is most agreeable and sweet to fishes. Swine also prefer to wash in vile filth rather than in pure clean water. Furthermore, some animals eat grass and some eat herbs; some live in the woods, others eat seeds; some are carnivorous, and others lactivorous; some enjoy putrified food, and others fresh food; some raw food and other that which is prepared by cooking; and in general that which is agreeable to some is disagreeable and fatal to others, and should be avoided by them. Thus hemlock makes the quail fat, and henbane the hogs, and these, as it is known enjoy eating lizards; deer also eat poisonous animals, and swallows, the cantharidae. Moreover, ants and flying ants, when swallowed by men, cause discomfort and colic; but the bear, on the contrary, whatever sickness he may have, becomes stronger by devouring them. The viper is benumbed if one twig of the oak touches it, as is also the bat by a leaf of the plane-tree. The elephant flees before the ram, and the lion before the cock, and the seals from the rattling of beans that are being pounded, and the tiger from the sound of the drum. Many other examples could be given, but that we may not seem to dwell longer than is necessary on this subject, we conclude by saying that since the same things are pleasant to some and unpleasant to others, and the pleasure and displeasure depend on the ideas, it must be that different animals have different ideas of objects...For we cannot ourselves judge between our own ideas and those of other animals, being ourselves involved in the difference, and therefore much more in need of being judged than being ourselves able to judge. And furthermore, we cannot give the preference to our own mental representations over those of other animals..."

Mary Mills Patrick (1850-1940). Sextus Empiricus and Greek Scepticism (1899).

Edited 10 Jan 08, 9.03pm

Eternity. How does eternity exist?

Eternity shouldn't just be forever and ever. In fact, eternity exists only when it exists. And only something which surpasses death can be an eternity. A person can't be eternity in body, but that same person can be an eternity in soul and in beliefs.

We are mortals; we die at the drop of the hat sometimes. But we as mortals bring with us precious ideals, notions that although need not be groundbreaking, but are eye-openers for others who may have lost their sense of direction. Take honorable Mother Theresa as an example. A century later, we may not know her, may never have seen her picture or heard her talk; but we may still know that in the past, there had been someone who was so selfless.. and that is what I call eternity. An embodiment.

Of course, it has been brought up to me there's such a thing as false eternity, such as when we take up the task of mindless waiting. However, I beg to differ. When we say "I waited an eternity for you to arrive", it would really seem so to the person in discussion. Have you never felt the impatience and restlessness building whenever you waited for someone? When we task ourselves fully to waiting, we give up the option of doing anything else. In doing that, we devote ourselves to wait, something that we biologically, are not programmed to do so being the curious and simulated beings we are.

This eternity is one of a different kind, one which exists only in our minds and feels more real as our physical aspects are agitated by it. This type of eternity is restricted to one person, because only you will feel irritated during the wait and only you can truly convince yourself that you are going to be irritated. This is merely an eternity that exists to fill up time. Then again, eternities mostly exist in our heads and as it is messing around with our minds, it messes with our motions and feelings.

You may then refer me to my previous sentence of 'eternity surpasses death', where the person in the above view is clearly alive. That's where you misunderstand me. Surpassing death does not mean eternity has to outlive you. It means that eternity cannot be measured by life force, but by the meaning of that eternity, the purpose and the length of time that eternity exists for or sometimes perhaps, the hope and wish for that eternity to be omnipresent.

The next time someone talks to you about eternity, ask yourself... is it really eternity?

Relationships, what are they?

An interesting thought occurred to me today. Open up your palms and place them side by side, right next to each other. Look at the lines.

Look at them carefully.

Relationships are like the lines on your palms. These lines crisscross, and are embedded with varying levels of strength into your palms. The deep ones long-lasting, the faint ones changing ever so often.

Your palm resembles you, and the lines your relationships. Every line represent a person, and the depth of the imprint left upon the flesh are indications of how deep a relationship you have with a person. When the lines cross with others, your relationships inter-mix. You'll form groups, and that group together creates more markings on you than individuals do.

You may ask why, and the reason is as simple as basic science gets.

A group simply occupies a greater surface than one lonesome line.

Most have three major lines on each of our palms, and I believe that these three lines belong to anyone who'd marked you significantly. The relationship with these three special person does not have to be an eternity (there's no such thing as it anyway) nor does it have to be your family or your loved ones. It could represent a place, an inanimate object, any living organism in the world, anything that left such a strong memory of themselves in your life.

Because, despite most first reactions and thoughts, a relationship does not have to be with another human being.

You may not have noticed, but the lines on our palms changes. New lines are marked, but the old ones almost never fade away. This curious fact appeals to me, because I believe that one simply does not forget about another. They simply cannot recall. Like how we focus our attention to the new markings upon our skin, we fail to take the old ones into sight. But that doesn't mean that the ancient isn't there.

We bring these markings on every journey we take, even till death.

Such a similarity the lines upon our palms bear to a relationship... how curious...

Between the delirious and the reality, I flirt by the borders every now and then. Melting away, nothing seems to matter much but the mundaneness of the passing day. Clenching, un-clenching, the heart continues to pump and life continues as sure as the sky is endless.

Skin pale as the moonlight, it reflects an unreadable expression. Neither a smile nor a frown, not one of worry or anger; Schooled features, a mask of perfectness that veils something. Like something made of molded clay, permanent and flawless.

This, a facade... I wonder when the day would come for it to be broken.

There was this dialogue in the movie V for Vendetta...

Evey: Who are you?
V: Who? Who is but the form of the function of what, and what I am is a man in a mask.
Evey: I can see that.
V: Of course you can, I'm not questioning your powers of observation but the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.
Evey: Oh.

Unknowingly, people don on their favourite masks, different ones for different people. That's because people are terrified. Terrified of letting themselves go, horrified at the thought of placing a defenseless self on the front line of fire.

What they do not know, is that by letting themselves go, they create a fearless shield that protects them, because they understand that the abuse received from others is nothing compared to what they feel within themselves.

There is this equation I believe in,

Fear from others (20%) + fear from self (80%) = susceptibility to manipulation by others

Reality compared to your own inner demons are peanuts.

The mind creates the world, the world dominates the mind. What an irony.

Screaming, I hear screams in my head. Howls of anguish and cries of the innocent. Upon the cross I stand, the devil runs amok in the underneath, taking up fellow minions in arms. Lying dormant is the holy, and it continues being so.

I am no believer of faith, yet the shrieks affect me so. Lost, desperate, haunted... countless empty stares pored into me; others pleading for death and release from this worldly hell.

"STOP IT!!" My voice resonates in the hollowness, a soft flicker in the passing storm.

Suffering... so much suffering.... too much...

Too much.....

Darkness overwhelms, and the onslaught of emotions chokes me.

Are we not fellow beings as well?

A stroke of the paintbrush in your memory...

Upon the rough canvas lies happy times that we've shared together. A tear rolls languidly down my cheek, staining the perfect picture dark. Lips trembled at the harsh onslaught, and the heart aches even more so.

Let there be no solace for the lost souls, for the chain once bounded has broken. Wandering amidst the everlasting fog and losing direction, countless phantoms haunt me. But strangely, they're all flawless images of you.

Mourning, how I wished the loss wasn't you. The continuous drift before, could it not be solved otherwise?

Pallor stains my palms, numbness spread over the fingers...

Crimson.