Why are my fanfic muses so active when I'm supposed to be studying for exams? Is this a new method of procrastination??
Writings to do after exams (if I can't find suitable part-time work):
1) Find a way to finish up my existing fanfic stories
2) Write a lengthy Bleach Yorusoi story
3) Continue my unpublished Harry Potter story-in-progress
4) Continue my original story
December 4, 2012
November 27, 2012
Exams are coming in 2 days. I've had almost 2 weeks of school free days for revision and I have accomplished nothing of worthy mention, choosing to bury myself in cooking, eating, reading fanfiction and watching dramas. Perhaps it's the combination of an aching back and trepidation of being in my final year of studies and the stress of having to pull my GPA up to the next tier. Perhaps it's the ever increasing irritation at my family; at how my mother will just come home every day, barge into my room and ask me about my sister as if I have extra-terrestrial eyes and senses to know and where she is at any moment in time when she's not at home. Perhaps it's damnable full moon and upcoming time of the month. It's horrible timing to feel the angst now, but it has gathered strength enough to cast an almost constant cloud over me. Am I getting depressed? The betrayal of a friend, and the subsequent loss of another... and the distancing of yet another friend... it's all taking a toll. I feel more alone than ever. Brandi Carlile is right... Whatever life stories you have, they don't mean anything if you have no one to tell them to. It's not as if I do not have friends who care about me, because I know at least 2 who do, though we do not contact often... But they aren't the right audience. And my family is... dysfunctional at best... I so envy those who have strong familial ties.
Friends that I have formed in school, I have not kept up with this semester because of their tight schedules. It's their final semester. I dread the next where I would once again be lost in a crowd, a kite without strings. I fear failing when it's my turn to find a career, with the economy as it is, and competition's growing stronger every year. Unlike school, where you're always spoon-fed with opportunities, the real world is much more cruel, much more self-seeking. I have but a few more months before this new role is thrust upon me, and I do not feel ready. I have tried to be prepared. But along the way, I have lost sight of my goals and the repercussions are making themselves known. Although it's said that the world is your oyster, but it is difficult to find a spot in this vast world that fits you. For a person like me who feels out of time, where I still believe friendship is something more emotional than practical, where I believe in soul mates, in loyalty and comradeship, sometimes I despair at seeing what I see and feeling what I feel... torn between wanting to trust and wanting to protect myself. I feel like I have lost a lot within these 2 years.. and gained what painful little experience. Proudly though, I'm glad that I have actively done little to cause me regret, save for the decision to give up so easily on my first relationship. Deep down though, I knew it was the right decision to make... and I'm happy to have had a chance at love. I still have hope.
Even if I dropped dead from a stroke due to my borderline high blood pressure, I would have little regret. I have gone to university, getting past all those various barriers of education with my slipshod ways. Been in love. Was loved. Wrote stories for an audience. Experienced work life. Was praised at work. Imparted what little knowledge I have to those younger than me. Learned martial arts. Made good friends. Went on a marine life-based school trip to Australia. Had a crush. Experienced the ugly side of humans. Known a bone-chilling fear. While I have yet to experience the liberation and constraints of being a working adult or gone on holiday trips to see the world, these experiences I have had fulfilled my basic wishes in life. =).
Typing this out has taken some load off my chest, and I'm feeling much better. Will I manage to pass through with flying colours this difficult period with the limited time I have? Time to sleep and look forward to better and more productive tomorrows.
Friends that I have formed in school, I have not kept up with this semester because of their tight schedules. It's their final semester. I dread the next where I would once again be lost in a crowd, a kite without strings. I fear failing when it's my turn to find a career, with the economy as it is, and competition's growing stronger every year. Unlike school, where you're always spoon-fed with opportunities, the real world is much more cruel, much more self-seeking. I have but a few more months before this new role is thrust upon me, and I do not feel ready. I have tried to be prepared. But along the way, I have lost sight of my goals and the repercussions are making themselves known. Although it's said that the world is your oyster, but it is difficult to find a spot in this vast world that fits you. For a person like me who feels out of time, where I still believe friendship is something more emotional than practical, where I believe in soul mates, in loyalty and comradeship, sometimes I despair at seeing what I see and feeling what I feel... torn between wanting to trust and wanting to protect myself. I feel like I have lost a lot within these 2 years.. and gained what painful little experience. Proudly though, I'm glad that I have actively done little to cause me regret, save for the decision to give up so easily on my first relationship. Deep down though, I knew it was the right decision to make... and I'm happy to have had a chance at love. I still have hope.
Even if I dropped dead from a stroke due to my borderline high blood pressure, I would have little regret. I have gone to university, getting past all those various barriers of education with my slipshod ways. Been in love. Was loved. Wrote stories for an audience. Experienced work life. Was praised at work. Imparted what little knowledge I have to those younger than me. Learned martial arts. Made good friends. Went on a marine life-based school trip to Australia. Had a crush. Experienced the ugly side of humans. Known a bone-chilling fear. While I have yet to experience the liberation and constraints of being a working adult or gone on holiday trips to see the world, these experiences I have had fulfilled my basic wishes in life. =).
Typing this out has taken some load off my chest, and I'm feeling much better. Will I manage to pass through with flying colours this difficult period with the limited time I have? Time to sleep and look forward to better and more productive tomorrows.
July 13, 2012
And here I sit, in front of the laptop, tired and yet revitalized by the short walk home from the MRT station. Today, I think, is one of those rare occasions where you feel you are at a point in life where there is going to be a change. Where something just touches deep within you. These are words formed deep in the heart but do not easily make their way out of the mouth.
I have had the fortune of learning under an awesome mentor at work, and today, is her last day at work while I have 2 more weeks before I leave the organisation to prepare for my last year in school. This is a tribute of sorts, I guess, though it is unlikely that she would ever chance upon it. Her name is Chen Yanying.
What is so wonderful about this mentor of mine? In a short span of 10 weeks, she has taught me many things - knowingly and unknowingly. She has let me observe and try for myself how it is like to walk the line between professionalism and friendliness. She has shown me that the workplace can be a place where you can find some warmth in a den of lions. She has allowed me to sit in at meetings and see firsthand how things really work. She has let me participate and do things that a full-time staff will do; and how she gives credit to me in emails and tries to allow me, an intern, some voice. Her seriousness and capability at work inspires me, and I think I will remember for a long time the look of concentration upon her face while she focused on her tasks. I am in awe with the way she organises her things, and she has shown me how important this skill is, amongst many other things. More than a few light bulbs have flashed across my head in this short span of time, and I am very glad that I have had the chance of knowing her, with her quirky humour, unique cackle of laughter and strong arms (that are just like a man ^^" - she ignored the guy who'd said it). I will miss seeing her in the office; I will miss having the opportunity to ask her about things I am unsure of; but I know clearly that all good things must come to an end someday. Life goes on, regardless. I wish her all the best at her new job, and most of all, I want to thank her, for all she has taught me.
I look forward to the next time when I will see her again, probably with some baked goods in hand that she had made with her oven.
I have had the fortune of learning under an awesome mentor at work, and today, is her last day at work while I have 2 more weeks before I leave the organisation to prepare for my last year in school. This is a tribute of sorts, I guess, though it is unlikely that she would ever chance upon it. Her name is Chen Yanying.
What is so wonderful about this mentor of mine? In a short span of 10 weeks, she has taught me many things - knowingly and unknowingly. She has let me observe and try for myself how it is like to walk the line between professionalism and friendliness. She has shown me that the workplace can be a place where you can find some warmth in a den of lions. She has allowed me to sit in at meetings and see firsthand how things really work. She has let me participate and do things that a full-time staff will do; and how she gives credit to me in emails and tries to allow me, an intern, some voice. Her seriousness and capability at work inspires me, and I think I will remember for a long time the look of concentration upon her face while she focused on her tasks. I am in awe with the way she organises her things, and she has shown me how important this skill is, amongst many other things. More than a few light bulbs have flashed across my head in this short span of time, and I am very glad that I have had the chance of knowing her, with her quirky humour, unique cackle of laughter and strong arms (that are just like a man ^^" - she ignored the guy who'd said it). I will miss seeing her in the office; I will miss having the opportunity to ask her about things I am unsure of; but I know clearly that all good things must come to an end someday. Life goes on, regardless. I wish her all the best at her new job, and most of all, I want to thank her, for all she has taught me.
I look forward to the next time when I will see her again, probably with some baked goods in hand that she had made with her oven.
May 27, 2012
Musings.
I am one of the kind, and what I want is to find another one of me. Does it even make any sense?
Learning how to be myself, in a place where everything wants you to be someone else.
Learning how to be myself, in a place where everything wants you to be someone else.
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