Songs worth listening to

Once again.. exams are creeping up on me and I'm feeling down. Where is my rainbow?

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so dependent on tuition for my daily expenses.

Querido diario,

Esta noche he estado pensar muchos cosas, especialmente sobre mi vida ahora. La luna es magnifico pero no es ronda. Me gusta la silencio de la noche porque es un momento bueno que pensado. Ha estado tanto tiempo desde he escrito cualquier cosa en espanol. Verdaderamente, Google translate es mi programa favorita.

Recientemente, he escrito a los dos personas en fridae, y no he hecho muchos deberes. Estoy tan muerto para el examen jueves proximo.

T_T Adios, mi diario.

Tonight, out of curiosity, I read a letter that I'd written on 29/01/2008 but was never sent. Neither had I remembered its existence until some weeks back when I was clearing out my room stuff.

And now, I laugh at the irony of things. And now.... this section of the letter strikes the chords deepest in me.

Where love and pain merge

I choose to forget

For there is no sense

To suffer for what's not possible.

Its funny how things have come to a full circle, and its back to the starting point.

Reading this letter had made me remember things I have forgotten, and a part of myself that was lost is coming back gradually.

Certain things, you gotta deal with it.

Certain things, you gotta learn to let go.

Certain things, you gotta learn the baseline.

Certain things, you gotta learn to accept.

Certain things, are just not compatible with you.

There's plenty of things I have yet to learn. But I'm glad... I feel as if I've grown up a little more now - and I'm glad to realize that I have yet to lose certain qualities that I'd like to keep

=)

Closing a chapter in my life, and I'm looking for an opportunity to start writing the next chapter. Blundering along, saying things the way I see it, searching for new people in my life who can accept me for who I am, who can give me and themselves a chance to discover more about each other.

The bow stretched, the eye trained, the arrow running true.

I've been thinking... perhaps I should get a tattoo of bows and arrows... hmm. (imagines my mom screaming in the background)

The eyes are dry

The heart feels empty

The distance growing longer

The knowledge - slices the heart

The handling - incomplete

The avoidance - creates frustration

I don't know what to do anymore.

It feels like I'm burying everything into work.

The worst kind of feeling is that you want to cry your heart out but tears do not flow; where your heart is bleeding but it is still continuing to pump.

The scars of love

What is the beginning of love? Is it a look? A smile? An innocent touch?

No.

The beginning of love is when you and your beloved one start out on even ground, where both of you are willing to give yourself the chance to know the other person - and to find out how you fare together, no matter how impossible it may seem. The beginning of love is when you want to find out the little quirks that make the other person interesting and the nasty habits which makes the person appalling and to accept that person for who he/she is, without measuring that person up against anyone else you had been in a relationship with. The key idea here is to keep an open mind.

Why are crushes named so?

I believe they are so called because the chances of them crushing your heart with a ruthless rejection are greater than the chances of them reciprocating your feelings. I don't know which is worse - to have your hopes crushed or to have a knife stabbed through your fragile heart and twisted around till everything's mangled. Sometimes the ruthlessness is scary. Perhaps they would just shoot you down before you could even get a word in to present your case and ask them for a chance. Or perhaps they would work in the "smash" together with other heart-wrenching experiences which render you confused, heartbroken and lost.

Well, crushes goes back to the point of even ground. When a person has a secret crush, it is likely that he/she will lower themselves to accommodate the other, at the extent of losing oneself and being tortured mentally and emotionally on a regular basis. That's why an even ground is needed to begin any relationship. So... lose your crushes fast, and instead... tell them before you get too emotionally invested.

I have lips and voice that refuses to say what my head is thinking. Thankfully my hands are standing on the other side of the fence.

Me.

Sometimes, I feel as if control is slipping away through my fingers and it scares me to think of what I would do if I lost control.

Sometimes, I am unable to express what I feel verbally, but when I try to do it through actions... I think it scares people I care about away, because I'll never know where the line is and no one ever tells me. They just run away.

Sometimes, when I hear my parents quarreling, it triggers something that feels like a monster deep within me - like a trauma that never healed and the feeling gets dug out from the deep recesses of my being and I just feel like screaming at them to stop quarreling.

Sometimes, when I see a guy, I get torn between reality and horror, for I know what they are capable of doing, beneath the seemingly innocent front.

Sometimes, when my mom talks about someone, I resent her for it, because I could never tell her what that someone did to me.

Sometimes, I may appear happy, but deep down I know it's just a facade.

Sometimes, something makes me happy - but I don't realize it until sometime later when people have forgotten about it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should die, who would truly remember me and yearn for my companionship once more? Who would regret not communicating with me more?

There are many actions that people do which I do not understand, and sometimes it makes me feel mind-fucked and I hate the feeling.

What I hate even more is the idea of being forgotten, of being taken for granted, of being taken advantaged of.

Every time I see someone with a relatively happy and carefree childhood, I wonder why mine was the way it is, and why those people still complain about what they already have which I don't.

I spent the majority of my life locked behind the doors of my room, in my own world, just so that I can keep myself sane in the insane world I'm surrounded in.

It is solace that I seek, and the comfort of having someone to anchor me to reality, to life - so that I would have the courage to look forward to the future.

For graduation scares me - ahead lies a gazillion choices in life that I have to sift through.

My sanctuary lies in the silence of the night. Yet, the night brings forth emotions which I do not understand; thoughts that I should not entertain; feelings that I cannot identify.

I cried halfway while reading this.

http://www.ralst.com/DifferentTimeDifferentPrincess.HTM

Sighs... fairytales...

What I have been listening to recently

1. 情无独钟 by Sammi Cheng



2. Alejate by Josh Groban



3. What you want (ft freeway) by LL cool j - Todd Smith



4. Me voy by Julieta Venegas

Querido diario,

Hoy me he levantado a las nueve en punto de la manana y me he banado despues. En mi habitacion, he hecho los deberes hasta once y media. Despues de algun tiempo, he ido a el mercado cerca para comprar mi almuerzo favorito y he vuelto a mi casa. He visto una pelicula se ha llamado "Sherlock Holmes" mientras he almorzado.

Esta tarde, he ido a la universidad en el autobus y he tenido las clases de espanol y de contabilidad. He estado muy cansado y he dormido un poco en las clases de contabilidad.

Had a fun but tiring day today at Astrea's 21st birthday celebration =3 Took many photos and cameras are flashing everywhere xD

Celebrity no. 1 = Astrea
Celebrity no. 2 = Abbey (a 5 year old girl who looks really cute when she grins =D)

Folded dozens of paper crane as wishes to Japan while waiting for Astrea to get ready for the party. Hurhur... and I felt like a donation booth attendant! =P She had a really SWEET and PINK and ribboney (no such word =X) birthday cake lols.

And the theme wasn't psychedelic! Apparently it became yukata session due to 5 ladies wearing yukatas and parading around xD

Yosh~ It's a good start to the new year xD

Went to Kino and bought 3 books today~ 2 of them are related to spanish and the last... well... it's a secret for now. Hurhur...

And.... when I got back home, it's cleaning time! Bought this new disinfectant spray from NTUC and starting spraying my room with it lol. Cleaned my tables and part of the wardrobe~ Gonna continue with the cleaning tomorrow morning~

Adios~