坦白说，我开始觉得自己的华文水平渐渐的退步。这令我感到非常苦恼，因为我自小便来自一个以华文为主的家庭，也常把华语当成母语。也许最近比较少接触这个语言吧，句子结构也变得怪怪的，很不顺畅。我承认自己也挺想念上华文课的日子。每当想到即将忘记一个从小学起的语言，心中总会有一种刺刺的感觉。

哈哈，突然又觉得自己好像老了。

Today marks the death of my young, but very precious external hard drive. It's the first item I'd bought with my very first salary that I had gotten from my first experience at work, so it's kind of sad.

More importantly, the hard drive died with all my effort, hard work and precious things in it. My songs, videos, program files, school stuff, contact numbers... everything... is gone.

The long hours that I spent into typing out all my fan-fiction stories have all gone to nought, for the entire folder labelled 'works' is trapped in that failed hard drive. This is the hardest fact for me to accept, for I had just gotten into the mood for writing again yesterday and this had to happen... I'm at a loss for words...

Those stories that I'd lost... they were my heartaches, my emotions, my feelings, my efforts, my works and my pride and joy.... and each of them represented something I wanted to convey.... It feels worse than the death of someone I know.. because ultimately, this death belongs to me and me alone. Ever wondered how you feel if you die?

. . . . . Sometimes... I just hate technology. The irony... when technology is becoming more and more advanced, it seems that it gets worse and worse in terms of quality and shelf-life. Hell... My house's washing machine that's almost 20 years in service is still functioning fine, and the dear hard drive that I bought during December last year is dead!

Indignant.

Finished my GP common test yesterday, and it was relatively okay despite me being at a loss at what I had to do to prepare for it.

For paper 1, a question that was highly similar to the question I did for TCA 4 came out, and I immediately crossed it the moment I saw it. Lols. I'd learnt from my lesson that I shouldn't attempt a question that I did not fully understand for a test. The questions we had to choose from were mostly quite challenging. I spent almost up to 5 minutes deciding on the appropriate question to do and another 10 odd minutes planning it out. Whew.

Paper 2 was slightly harder than any of the papers that I'd done before, especially the AQ which was quite tricky. The summary was okay though =D There were certain parts of the two passages that I had to read and re-read in order to get the point, and time was a little tight. Didn't manage to pull off something good for AQ because I'm still quite unfamiliar with the evaluation for the question. Hmm. I think I'll probably only get a 3/8 if I'm lucky.

Still at home blogging now because people flew my aeroplanes today.. heh. Perhaps I should still go out and chill.

It's called restlessness.

Like a thousand hands ruffling through your hair, your mood shifts with each and every trigger. Your senses prick at every movement, and your mind wanders through the catacombs of possibilities. You are mildly aware of the after-taste, but it is not enough to deter you from the lure of darkness.

You hid in the deepest of all underground tunnels, basking in the familiarity of the abyss. For a long long time you hid, and avoided contact with any creature who went by you. You used to listen to these foreign animals.. thinking how wonderful it would be if you found someone your kind to relate with. At times when you were at it, you would never notice the tears running down your face, nor the know of the laughter you were missing out.

......... TBC

Just a short post before I sleep, and I realise that I'm starting to develop a habit to blogging at times when I should really be doing something else more important. Maybe this reflects my lack of discipline.. hmm.. a slightly disturbing thought.

Was feeling absolutely horrible today, but I can't really fathom why my mood seemed to shift and change like a kite in the wind. I feel a storm in the brewing; and I think it's coming up soon... I don't know what happened, but I am getting quite affected by it. Actually, I can't wait for the holidays to come so that I can recuperate and ease some of my tension.

Screwed up in my last GP TCA before the common test tomorrow. Was trying to comfort myself that I wasn't that bad by putting blame on the question, and then I thought that it was silly and I really should be glad that I had a chance to try out something different. At least now I know what a stupid decision it is sometimes to choose something that you had interest in instead of something common and easy. Or perhaps I should just start bucking up for GP. And Maths. And Econs.

Got to get my life under control, and not let life control me.

Words that are silent,
seemed to echo.
But what I hear,
might not be what you said.
There's a distance,
a growing gap.
I know not why;
I'm facing walls all around.

How I wish that,
I could cure blindness.
Open one's eyes,
to the beauty surrounding them
Open one's eyes,
to the other who takes a backseat

How I wish that,
I could cure deafness.
Let them hear,
the pleading cries of the helpless
Let them hear,
the anguished voice of the lost ones

How I wish that,
I could open people's hearts.
Help them embrace,
the different- the child's voice
Help them embrace,
the diversity of life.

I'm slowly stepping away,
and I know you know it.
I'm inching away;
just so that you'll have more time.
I'm inching away;
every movement brings me regrets that I can't help.
I'm inching away;
so that you could take the first step.

I'm tired.
I'm weary.
I don't know what I can do.
Show me. Tell me. Talk to me.