So much pent-up emotions in me. I feel like I'm being split into two by them.

Damn.

So fucking unfair.

It's been eons since I last updated.

Frustration has been plaguing me recently, and I have no idea what I'm frustrated about.

There just seems to be this huge weight on my head and it's wearing me out physically and mentally.

I'm tired. I want a break from the world. I want peace and quiet. But peace and quiet presents me another frustration. It's a never-endless vicious cycle.

What do I really want? I have no idea.

My entire world has been whacked out of the universe.

I'm tired of trying to be perfect all the time.

I'm tired of trying. But at the same time, I do not want to give up.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.

I hate idling around with no aim whatsoever...

I would rather someone not make a promise than making one and breaking it... the feeling of shattered hope is a pain that feels so raw and cutting...

I would rather hide than face a problem, because 95% of the time I can't phrase my words without hurting people when I don't mean to...

I can't stand cold wars, but neither do I like heated ones... but I hate unresolved conflicts more than anything else...

I absolutely cannot stand being accused of something that I did not do.

Came home today to a surprise after a sleepover last night, and now the world seems to be pressing down on me.

NTU: Offered a place in Econs/going for an NIE interview soon
NUS: so far no news yet

I've been given a premonition for one of the toughest choices I've made in my life so far... a decision between money, future and interest. Gosh. Why can't the world function on barter trading? There's nothing I hate more than money issues but yet it is one that surrounds the world.

The super long holidays are slowly counting in anguished ticking of the clock... no more free days where I can do what I want to without much considerations... Back to those mechanical days of learning? Where is the meaning in studying.. and in life? I almost feel like I'm in some sort of crisis even though I do not know what it is.

Perhaps it's the knowledge that I'm going to have to face changes and meet new people that made me feel this way. It's an unavoidable process, I guess... Life goes on, nothing is really set in stone... people change, circumstances change... good old times are lost, new experiences set in... and at the end of the day nothing's really left but countless memories...

Growing up.... growing up... like plants...

Ok, maybe I've been playing too much plant tycoon. =X

I sat and played on a seesaw today, it was so fun and nostalgic~ Whee~ Happy happy.